Estrofests is excited to host guest blogger, Amanda Peevy. Amanda is a fun-loving, girlfriend-committed, positive thinker! She was willing to share her story of speed dating - for which we are grateful for the laughs! You can't make up this shit!
So, my
friend and I arrive and meet several other fun, fearless females at the bar of
a nice Tulsa restaurant. The shindig is already running late and is very poorly
organized, but most of us decide to stick it out. We take our nametags and our
seats and five guys are supposed to rotate around our tables and wow us with personality
and charm in six minutes. Doesn’t sound long, but believe me, six minutes felt
like an eternity. Here’s the list of characters we met in Speed Dating Hell…
Speedy
Date #1: “Van guy with anger issues” sat at my table and I instantly knew my
one Long Island Iced Tea was just not going to cut it. He immediately informed
me of his ongoing issues with anger - something he has been dealing with since
childhood. He also has not worked in over four years. Why, you ask? Oh, he’s
just living off of his real estate investments. Which is pretty funny since the
next thing he told me was that he lives in his van. “Too bad you don’t invest
in some real estate for your own personal use,” I say. Silly me! He doesn’t
want to be tied down and the van is perfect for remaining “free.” Next please!
Speed Date
#2: “B is for Boring” - I can only think to call him that because the
conversation was so boring that we talked about his name for five of the six
minutes and I can’t even remember the damn thing! I’m sure my brain began
blocking information for self-preservation. Oh yeah, this was also the point in
which the bartender began giving my friend and me free drinks because he felt
so sorry for us. I’ll blame it on the alcohol…
Speed Date
#3: “The Mumbler” - For the life of me, I could not understand a damn word he
said. Thanks to his Affliction t-shirt, muscled up gym body, and bruised
knuckles I was able to gather that he was some kind of UFC fighter-something. I’m
pretty sure the punching and kicking involved in that is why he couldn’t form
intelligible sentences. Maybe his larynx was injured? So, to save energy, I
begin nodding and saying very generic things like “Mmhmm” and “That’s crazy” to
keep from struggling to hear. Uh oh… That somehow led him to believe that I was
an avid Jiu jitsu enthusiast. What?! So, he
invited me to wrestle or do whatever it is that people do with Jiu jitsu. I
laughed hysterically and he ran away.
Speed Date # 4: “The Marshall”- Thank God!! A normal man with a job and
the ability to hold a pleasant conversation for six minutes. Unfortunately, he
was about 60 years old and I really have to draw the line at old enough to be
my father. Shucks!
Speed Date # 5: (Last but not least) “Mr. 20 Questions” - This man
actually brought in a briefcase including a folder with freshly printed out questionnaires
which – YES - he proceeded to ask all of us and wrote our answers down. Dude
meant business! Since he was my last “date” and I had had God-knows-how- many
LITs by this time, I was fully prepared to annoy the shit out of him. As he
began asking his questions and trying to write down my answers, I interrupted
him and spent the next five and a half minutes describing, in detail, my love
for the movie “The Notebook.” He grumbled, called me “uncooperative” and
stomped. Mission accomplished.
Afterwards, all of the women got together at a nearby table to debrief from
the trauma of it all. But the fat lady hadn’t sung yet. “Van guy with anger
issues” approached us and said, “Don’t pick any of those guys. They all live
with their mothers” to which I responded, “Dude you live in a van!!!” Yeah, too
many LITs…
Results of this “great idea”: Free drinks, fun new girlfriends, a new
case of Malaxophobia, and a fabulous story
to tell to help our other girlfriends feel better about their bad dates. So,
when you’re enjoying a get-together with your girlfriends (and avoiding
dating), here is a game to play:
Horrible
Date Match Game: Have all your
girlfriends anonymously write down their worst dates on numbered index cards.
Then have the group try to guess which bad date goes with which friend. Winner
gets an LIT (or some other fun prize).
Amanda Peevy is currently finishing up work on her Master’s degree in Social Work. She’s working to “save the world” one family at a time in a nonprofit, child abuse prevention agency. Amanda’s motto is to approach life with curiosity and a good sense of humor - it’s just more fun that way. She loves to laugh, tell stories, and spend time with her girlfriends who also love to laugh and help her maintain her sanity.
