Food Recipes

Lace Cookies
2 ¼ cup quick cook oatmeal
2 ¼ cup light brown sugar
3 tablespoons flour
1 cup soft butter (or oleo)
1 teaspoon salt
1 egg slightly beaten
1 teaspoon vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 degrees (like you've never read THAT before). Mix the ingredients in the order that they are listed. YOU'LL be out of order if you put them together out of order. (OK, I'll quit.) Arrange by teaspoonful on a heavily buttered non-stick cookie sheet (6 at a time). Bake for 8 to 10 minutes or until slightly golden brown (watch carefully to avoid burning the cookies). Cool a moment (but not completely cool) before removing. Store in an airtight container. Recipe yields 4-5 dozen. 

Diva Delight
1 (8oz) pkg. light cream cheese, softened
2 Tblsps. Orange juice concentrate, thawed
1 Tblsp. Sugar or equal amount of Splenda or other sugar substitute.
Zest of 1 orange
¼ tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup dried cranberries, chopped
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans

Using a mixer on medium speed, combine the cream cheese, orange juice concentrate, zest, sugar and cinnamon.  Stir in by hand (with a spoon, silly) the cranberries and pecans. Shape into a rounded mound on a plate and cover with non-stick aluminum foil and refrigerate for 1 hour or longer. Serve with apple slices, pear slices or crackers. 

Cheaper Than Therapy Truffles 
1/3 cup heavy cream
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
2 cups Ghirardelli 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate Chips
1/3 cup Ghirardelli Unsweetened Cocoa OR crushed mint candies OR finely chopped nuts

Heat the heavy cream to a simmer in a saucepan over low heat. Add the butter pieces and stir the mixture until the butter is completely melted. Mix in the chocolate chips and stir until the chocolate is melted and the mixture is smooth. Pour the mixture into an 8 X 8-inch glass baking dish - or a shallow bowl if you don’t own baking pans. Cover and place in the refrigerator until the mixture is firm – at least two hours. “Firm” would be how Rachel’s ass felt before two kids and days spent wiping noses instead of going to the gym. Using a melon baller or small spoon, scoop the chocolate from the pan and roll the mixture into one-inch balls. Roll each ball in your choice of cocoa powder, mint candies, or chopped nuts. Allow the covered chocolate balls to set at room temperature for at least 1 hour or store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to two weeks. Right, like they’d last that long.

Amazing Coffee Cake
1 box yellow cake mix
1 small box instant vanilla pudding
¾ cup oil
¾ cup water
4 eggs
1 teaspoon butter flavoring
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup powdered sugar
2-3 tablespoons milk

Preheat oven to 350. Spray two loaf pans with Pam. Mix cinnamon and granulated sugar in a small bowl - or cup or saucer or whatever you can grab the quickest - and sprinkle ½ of the mixture in the bottom of each pan. In a medium-sized bowl, mix the cake mix, pudding, oil, water, eggs, butter flavoring and vanilla until smooth. Pour the cake mixture into the two loaf pans. Sprinkle the remaining cinnamon/sugar mixture on top of each loaf. Bake 40-50 minutes. Once the loaves cool, mix the powdered sugar and milk, adding 1 tablespoon at a time, until the desired consistency is reached for icing. Spoon the icing over both coffee cakes. Lick the spoon. Lick the bowl if no one is watching.

Cowgirl Cavier
1 (15 ounce) can black-eyed peas, drained
1 (15 ounce) can black beans, drained
1 (15 ounce) can hominy, drained
8 0z. grape tomatoes, quartered
4 green onions, chopped
1 teaspoon minced garlic
½ green pepper
½ red or yellow pepper
½ cup onion, chopped
2 jalapeno peppers, chopped
1 bunch chopped fresh cilantro
8 oz Italian salad dressing
2 avocados, pitted and peeled and cut into medium-sized pieces
In a large bowl (or a clean bucket), mix together all of the ingredients (except for the avocados and cilantro). Cover and refrigerate for several hours (best if overnight).  Prior to serving, drain the mixture and add the chopped cilantro and avocados. Serve with tortilla chips or Fritos for a true Texas flavor. Tell your kids the black beans are real fish eggs so they won’t eat any of it.
Tip: Make sure you remove the seeds from the jalapeno peppers or your guests will be shooting flames from their mouths. Which might be entertaining but probably not too friendly. Instead, save the seeds to put in your partner’s dinner the next time you have an argument.
The Party Dress Veggie Pizza
Roll out refrigerated crescent roll dough and cut with a dress cookie cutter. Place on a cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes. Mix one 8 oz package of cream cheese with half a package of Hidden Valley Fiesta Ranch Dip Mix. Once the “dresses” have cooled, spread the cream cheese mixture on each dress. Design your Vera Wang gown with items such as:  red bell pepper, pimento, sliced American cheese, chopped black olives, grated carrot, cherry tomato, spinach leaves, broccoli, cucumber strips, etc. 

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