By Tonia
“Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your
passport photo.” -- Al Gore
Spain has been on my bucket list for
several years, so when I was presented with the opportunity to go recently, I jumped.
It was another opportunity to enlarge my travel adventures and deplete my bank
account. Retirement? Uhhhh…….oops!
I do love, love, love to travel. I even
love to blast through the skies in a pressurized metal tube……as long as the
pointy end is headed forward. Flying isn't dangerous, you know. It’s hitting
the ground unexpectedly that’s
dangerous.
And, no, I didn’t run with the bulls. There
were other runs of course but, hey,
I’ve already blogged about that (see Echoes
in the Canyon). Mostly I ate and drank my way through Spain - sangria, tapas, sangria,
Iberian ham, fresh garlic prawns, sangria, paella, grilled sardines, sangria, gazpacho,
sangria, cheeses, sangria……. OMG. My daily 20 mile walk (mostly because I was
lost – might have had something to do with the sangria) couldn’t keep up with
the calories I consumed. My muffin top now looks like a 3-layed cake with WAY
too much baking soda!
And, while Spain’s flamenco, cathedrals,
castles, gardens,
beaches and Moorish history are absolutely beautiful and
fascinating (I HIGHLY recommend that you go!), no good vacation goes unpunished.
And so, being the ever-helpful girlfriend, I’m going to share with you some of
my best travel advice (take notes!):
TIP
#1 – Encourage your luggage to go where you go.
However, if you check your bag, as I did, it may take a vacation of its own. I
don’t know all the places where mine holidayed for three days, but it seemed to
have a fabulous time. I, however, spent three days in the same outfit that I had
sweat and slept in on the flight over.
TIP
#2 – Remember that a working electricity converter is better than a non-working
converter. My brand new converter went on strike.
And, while many hotels have hair dryers, my hair needs much, much more. I spent
my vacation looking like overgrown nose hairs had detoured through my brain and
come out my scalp (see pic).
TIP
#3 - Have your cell phone surgically attached to your body before you leave the
country. Two young boys pulled a scam on me and stole my $500 iphone
while I was sipping coffee at an outdoor café. Shitheads. I hope their parents
punish them harshly for looking at all the porn I have on there.
TIP
#4 – Don’t mistake your dirty clothes sack for trash.
Yep. Threw away that 3-day vacation arrival outfit along with every pair of
underwear I owned except the ones I was wearing. Thank goodness I had those
souvenir boxers with the bull horns on the fly!
TIP
#5 – Remain in a vertical position unless you are sleeping or having sex.
Two days before the end of the trip I fell down a flight of stairs and injured
my foot. While it DID get me lots of attention from the boyfriend, I’m a bigger
fan of other kinds of attention……
So, for your next girlfriends’ get together, remember my travel trips and get out of town!! Bon Voyage!
So, for your next girlfriends’ get together, remember my travel trips and get out of town!! Bon Voyage!
