Yoga: Pose and Repose

By Tonia

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.” ~Author Unknown



I’ve recently taken up yoga. Up until now my only yoga pose has painting my toenails. It’s not been easy - I’m about as flexible as a mental patient in a straightjacket.

 

But, hey, I’m giving it a try - bending over backwards in fact. But there is a part of me that thinks, “Can’t we just play Twister?”

I’m fascinated with the names of the poses. There’s one called the Corpse Pose. Playing dead – now THIS one I can actually do! This may become my favorite…..

There’s also Half Lord of the Fishes Pose. WTF? First of all, I didn’t realize that fish had lords and, second of all, what did they do with the other half of him?

Then there’s at least three dog poses: (1) Downward Facing Dog Pose, (2) Flip Dog Pose and (3) Three Legged Dog Pose. Why is yoga so fascinated with canines? The only yoga-ish pose my dog does is when he licks his balls. But he SURE doesn’t understand what I’m doing. You should see his face when I’m posing – well, YOU can see it because I CAN’T see it when I’m in that damn Downward Facing Dog Pose.

There’s also one called Cow Face Pose. I know I probably LOOK like a heifer trying to do these poses but geez……be nice!

I think I’ll come up with some of my own poses. Let’s see......

Computer-facing Woman Pose - My go-to pose....all the fucking day

Downward Hang Over Pose – A spine stretcher pose as I’m bent over the side of the bed on Sunday mornings
Time to Get Up Pose – An arm and spine stretcher pose as I consider getting out of bed

Lord of the G-spot Pose – A hip opener pose as I .... well .... you know

Full Moon Pose – A bend over pose as I expose my ass to douchbags

For your next girlfriends’ get-together, put on those yoga pants (that act alone reduces stress!) and entertain each other with goofy poses. Take pictures! Have everyone bring a healthy snack with its recipe and laugh ….. laugh a lot. In fact click HERE to see a video about Laughing Yoga! That may be my best yoga pose......