Feb 14, 2012

Naked at the YMCA

Posted by Tonia at Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Estrofests is thrilled to host guest blogger, Kerry Rossow. Kerry is a hilarious house blogger. If there is anything you want to know about houses and were too afraid to ask, she's your woman!  http://housetalkn.blogspot.com/ 

by Kerry Rossow

I've noticed some beautiful Valentine this year. Not one to be outdone, I thought I would share an ode to my mister. There are those moments in a marriage when you take that snapshot in your mind ...  the "This is why I love him" moments. Here’s mine:

We had taken our four little darlings to the YMCA for some family basketball and a quick swim. As we were winding up our nightly shenanigans visit, my mister offered, "Why don't I take the kids home and you stay here to relax in the women's hot tub?" By the time he uttered "hot tub" I was already sprinting toward the "Women Only" sign. In my rush I forgot that I had (literally) left my mister holding the bag - the bag with all of our suits - the bag with MY suit. I spent the next 37 seconds having a mental argument with myself. Here is a sampling of the thoughts that were flying through my head:

 - "It's almost closing time...I bet everyone else is gone already."
 - "I. Cannot. Get. In. There. Naked!" 
 - "Just do it, stop being a chicken!" 
 - "God is smiting me for making fun of the casually naked folks that stand around the locker room talking/drying hair/applying make-up/doing jumping jacks -while naked- as if doing these things NAKED is totally normal. Would you do these things while naked in front of house guests or in any other setting?" 
 - "Look what has happened to me! I'm afraid to get naked all by my d**n self in a women's locker room hot tub."

I finally threw caution to the wind, stripped down and climbed into the hot tub. A full 6 seconds passed before I heard the dreaded squeak of the door. I quickly positioned myself so that the intruder would not be able to see my ... er, situation.
Big mistake.

As Ms. Stepford bounced into the hot tub, in full make-up, coiffed hair and her very appropriate tankini, she was unprepared for what awaited her. Her smile quickly faded as we both stared at the wall for answers. She lasted in the hot tub for 9 seconds. She didn't even warn the young swimmer that she knocked over on her way out. 
That's right. 

Next up- a college hard body swimmer type. She also met the sneak attack. Not having the sophistication of Ms. Stepford to look away, Ms. Hard Body actually gawked. I could see that this was going to be a standoff. She was either too competitive to bolt or she was frozen with fear. I contemplated an attempt at conversation. What would I say? "Just you wait, this will happen to your body, too?" I knew that "You want a piece of this?" could be misconstrued. It was the creak of the door that put me over the edge ... sent me into naked freak out land. I couldn't take it anymore. I panicked. I bolted. As I was leaping over Ms. Hard Body Gawker, I assured myself that it couldn't get any worse.
Wrong.

The newest addition to my hell was a woman with a headscarf. The very picture of modesty had entered the YMCA locker room precisely in time to see a naked American woman flying through the air.  It took another 13 seconds to get dressed and perform the run of shame to the lobby. 
I was shocked to see that my family had just reached the lobby. Had all of that just happened in such a short amount of time? Was I in the Twilight Zone? 
Here is the part about why I love my husband. Besides the part about family YMCA nights, and besides the part about taking the kids home. My mister took one look at me and knew that this was no time for silly questions. He spoke the sweetest, most romantic words ever. "Kids, run for the van!" 

My gal pals and I look for any old reason to par-taay together. As the resident hillbilly, I host "Drinks in the driveway." My decorator friend hosts "Cocktails on the veranda." Our sporty friend plans "Get your game on tailgates" and now we apparently need to add "Get your clothes on!" par-taays. Here's a drink for it:

Ladies Only!
10 fresh mint leaves
1/2 lime, cut into 4 wedges
2 tablespoons sugar - or to taste
1 cup ice cubes
1 1/2 fluid ounces white rum
1/2 cup club soda

Directions:
Place mint leaves and 1 lime wedge into a sturdy glass. Use a muddler to crush the mint and lime to release the mint oils and lime juice. Add 2 more lime wedges and the sugar, and muddle again to release the lime juice. Do not strain the mixture. Fill the glass almost to the top with ice. Pour the rum over the ice and fill the glass with club soda. Stir, taste, and add more sugar if desired. Garnish with remaining lime wedge.

Kerry Rossow blogs at HouseTalkN where life's important questions are answered. Questions like, "When folks build a McMansion on a small lot, what are they compensating for?" or "Was the real estate agent drunk when they staged this house?" or "Why don't the Smiths' ever leave their drapes open when I am on a harmless walk-by?" Check out her blog HERE You'll be glad you did!


2 comments:

Kerry Rossow on February 14, 2012 at 8:08 PM said...

Thank you so much for having me! You and your girls are awesome! I have spent waaaay too much time peeking around your blog this week!
Thanks, again!
Kerry at HouseTalkN

Anonymous said...

Why not be naked?! That's why it says "women only." Once you get comfortable with the fact that nudity is more comfortable, you'll be able to relax and enjoy it. And, it'll be the other way around - them wishing they had the guts to get naked.

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