Dec 13, 2012

My Crotch is on Fire

Posted by Tonia at Thursday, December 13, 2012
by Tonia
My bladder declared war against me this week. Yes, a urinary tract infection (UTI). Holy Mother of God. I had forgotten how much those fuckers hurt. If crotches could scream, you’d have heard mine, “Help! Help! FIRE! FIRE!” I like my privates to be ablaze but with passion, not infection.
And the urgency factor - waaaayyyyyy less time between the urge and the actual pissing event. I know this because well, just trust me on this. I definitely had to put my bladder on amber alert for a few days.  
I knew that I would need an antibiotic so I called the doctor. I was put on hold for over 20 minutes. But, hey, that’s OK, I knew that my call was very important to them. I knew because the recording kept telling me over and over and over again.
Finally, the nurse told me that I had to come in and make a pee-pee donation (otherwise known as a urine sample). I was told that midstream urine is the best sample. Really? I’m going to start, stop, THEN position the cup to collect my midstream sample? Uh, no. I’m just hoping not to piss all over my hand.
Did you know that women are more prone to UTIs than men? And, if you have sex more than three times a week, that you have an even higher risk of getting them? Well, I’m certainly not in that risk category (damn!) ....... and I can GUARANTEE there won’t be any walls a bangin’ here THIS week!
But I’m finally on heavy-duty antibiotics now so I'm looking forward to the resulting yeast infection……
So come on over to my house and throw me a Girlfriends’ Sympathy Party. I want a Comfort Basket with cranberry juice, vitamins, chocolate, trashy magazines, and a fireman calendar! Or find another girlfriend who is going through a hard time and give her a Sympathy/Comfort Party. She'll appreciate it!

2 comments:

Lisa on December 27, 2012 at 9:25 PM said...

Oh my god, ouch. UTIs are horrific. Your (hilarious) face in this photo confirms just how awful they are. Sending virtual crantinis.

Anonymous said...

Tonia.....sorry I fell off my stool laughing..........ok....now I am composed.......eat lots of yogurt & you will not get a yeast infection.......I hope this tid bit of info will make your day.......as your post certainly gave me a belly laugh!!!!!! Get well soon......BJ

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