Toast or Roast?

By Tonia

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.” – Robert Fulghum

I recently attended the wedding of two dear friends. It was history-making - the first gay wedding performed by a minister in their denomination. And it was absolutely beautiful - not a dry eye in the place.

Dagobert (not his real name  …. seriously, who has a name like that?) asked me to give a toast at the reception. This was definitely not one of his smartest decisions. Later he accused me of doing a roast instead of a toast. Some people are just so damn sensitive…..

So I thought I would share it here and let you decide. Toast or roast?

Dagobert and I met 25 yrs ago working at a hospice. It was good to share an office with someone who wasn’t stiff ….. although Raymond <husband> might disagree. While working there death seemed better than the loooong, boring interdisciplinary team meetings we had to attend. I would stick pencils up my nose and he would lean back in his chair and flick his nipples. Somehow I always got caught but he never did.

There was also a time when Dagobert called my practice and, thinking he was talking to me, opened the conversation with, “Given any good blow jobs lately?” Five secretaries later, he’s finally learned to ask to whom he is speaking.

Over the years we lost touch, but 4 years ago we found each other again. I was so excited to catch up. But all Dagobert could talk about was this new guy. Raymond, Raymond, Raymond <think nasally whine>.
Raymond this and Raymond that. Geez.

But then I met Raymond. I instantly recognized in him, as in Dagobert, the same warmth, the same generosity, the same kindness, the same obnoxious humor …. and, of course, the same stupid fart jokes. Like one sang to the other, “You are the wind beneath my sheets.”

I don’t know if love is all you need but, if it is, Dagobert and Raymond are rich beyond measure.

I also don’t know what souls are made of, but theirs are surely made of the same stuff (partly farts, no doubt).

So raise your glasses because today love wins. Dagobert and Raymond, may your love feed each other’s souls with strength, laughter and a lifetime of happiness.  

For your next girlfriends’ get-together, grab a bottle of champagne and celebrate one another! Create toasts for each other. We all need the laughs and the affirmations!