Snowpocalypse Food Fest

By Tonia

For anyone living in one of those nice weather states like Florida and California, I just want to say, you totally missed it. You missed the adventure of Snowpocalypse. Seriously. We had "thundersnow" – thunder and lightening with snow. And temperatures of 20 degrees below zero - so cold that when I tried to get my Siberian Huskies to go outside they looked at me like I had had a psychotic break. (See picture of idiot dog in the snow.)

Every damn thing in the state closed for days - schools, malls, newspapers, banks, interstates, turnpikes…..nail salons. We even called in the National Guard to rescue our rescue crews. Oklahoma is not too good at this snow stuff.

But, along with the state disaster, I had my own crisis - trapped in my house for days with no way to get out. I surfed the internet until my fingers bled; I tweeted until my Tweeps thought I was stalking them; I facebooked until people started unfriending me in mass.

And, most of all, I binge ate like locusts in my kitchen. Honest to God, I could now make the 'Freshman 15' look like anorexia nervosa. Cookies – gone. Popcorn – gone. Triscuits – gone. Cheese Whiz – gone. Ice cream – gone. Graham crackers – gone. Six year old jam in the back of the ‘frig – gone. I think I even put mayonnaise on my vitamins. I couldn’t get my ass pried off of the couch.....except to go get more food! Even began to wonder how a Huskie might taste....

All of my friends were home baking lovely little treats for their families. I, on the other hand, couldn’t wait for anything to actually bake. I just ate the ingredients right out of the pantry. I was thankful that I no longer have young children at home – or I would have snatched food right out of their little hands.

And then it kept snowing and snowing and snowing. Day after day after day. Trucks couldn’t get through to supply the grocery stores. Thought I had died and gone to When Hell Freezes Over. There were two nights in a row when I slept in the same PJs without ever taking them off during the day. Loved that elastic waistband. If that blizzard had lasted any longer I would have had to twist a sheet around me to go shopping for larger clothes.

So, after all that solitary confinement, I’m ready for a girlfriends’ get together. Maybe it’ll be a I Dug Myself Out of the Driveway Party or a I Survived the 2011 Snowpocalypse Party. Either way, if you’re interested in having one of these celebrations yourself, consider these games:

Snatch that Food Off the Grocery Store Shelves

Put the Children in the Closet

Find the Car Under the Snow Mound

And be sure to serve snow ice cream, a snowball cake, and Oreos® and maraschino cherries dipped in white chocolate to look like snowballs. I’d give you the recipes and directions for these things but I have to go eat now……