Butt……

By Tonia

Recently, while walking up two flights of stairs in a glass enclosed stairwell, my wrap-around skirt suddenly (and without warning!) dove for the floor, leaving my ass hanging out. I simultaneously lost my mind and became paralyzed. Couldn’t. Bend. Down. To. Pick. It. Up. I stood there frozen for days (OK, maybe not quite that long). I thought maybe no one had seen me - until the next day when someone in the building across the grounds asked me if I had been in the stairway. Damn.

Butts have made a big turn around. Seriously. We used to worry that our butts looked too big. Now big butts are in - both physically and linguistically. Booty. Fanny. Ass. Tush. Heinie. Rump. Buttocks. Can.Bottom. Buns. Cheeks. Posterior. Derriere. And butt expressions: Worked my butt off. Butt of a joke. Bust your butt. Butt crack of dawn. Move your ass. Dumbass. Pain in the ass.

Maybe our butt admiration shows an acceptance of diversity - and normality. Thanks to J.Lo and other beautiful, full bodied women, maybe we are moving past some of our anxiety around body fat. Could it be true??

But, just for the record, I totally missed this one. Had a big butt when I was supposed to have a little butt - and now I have a flat, sagging butt when round butts are in. Go figure. Butt….I appreciate how my butt is always behind me in everything I do! *eye roll*

So, if you are wanting to have a Kick Ass Party, here are some ideas:

(1) Hang a poster that reads, “If my butt had a name it would be.....” and ask guest to sign it.

(2) Hang a toilet seat and ask guests to write sweet messages to their butts on it

(3) As one of the refreshments, mold pudding into a butt.

I KNOW you want to have this party butt…..