Magnifying Mirror Madness

By Anna

I do not have perfect skin. Nor do I have perfect eyebrows. I’m usually able to ignore these things until ….. I look …… insert scarey music ….. in my magnifying mirror. EEEEEkkkk!

Its not like I’m not already my own worst critic. I gotta’ go under the freakin’ lighted microscope to feel like some kind of mutant? AND THAT LIGHT! The levels should read:

  
LEVEL 1. Night club

LEVEL 2. Doctor's office

LEVEL 3. Interrogation room

With Interrogation Room Level 3 you get to see really awesome things like millions of freckles, saggy eyelids, black circles, moles morphing, red blotches, pores like craters, the beginning of crow’s feet, eyelashes that grow crooked or downwards, crazy eyebrows that grow down to the eyelids, and a baby furry mustache that now has petite handlebars! And what’s up with this furry forehead? Is this hair supposed to be there? Is it to keep my face warm in the winter?

Let me just pluck a few hairs….oh, shit! Now I’ve plucked my eyebrows off!

Let me just do a tiny squeeze.…damnit, now my face looks like chicken pox!

But I can’t. Move. Away. From. The. Mirror. Help me! I’m telling you, dudes do not do this crap. It’s addictive and destructive and we must throw those mirrors away!!

So I say grab that devil mirror of yours, crash a girlfriend’s house and create a game of breaking or trashing them. Then drink these:

Damage Control

2/3 cup pineapple juice, chilled

1/3 cup vanilla flavored vodka

2 tbls of grenadine syrup

Pour the pineapple juice, vodka and grenadine into a shaker full of ice. Shake and strain into two chilled martini glasses. Garnish with a piece of pineapple and a cherry on a toothpick...

…..and pat yourselves on the back for a task well done!