Keepin’ It Alive: Vagina Care

By Tonia

“Charlotte: ‘Oh, my God! Vagina weights!’

Samantha: ‘Honey, my vagina waits for no man.’” – from Sex in the City

I went to the gynecologist a few weeks ago with … well … problems. Was diagnosed with “Vaginal Atrophy.” WHAT??? I mean, doesn’t a muscle atrophy when it goes unused for long periods of time? For the love of God, I may not be getting laid very often but I DO use a vibrator. Doesn’t that count for a relationship ... I mean ... for vagina use? Now I'm tempted to think of my vagina as a deteriorating, withered, cracked wasteland – a shell of its former Va-Jay-Jay glory.

I discovered that Vaginal Atrophy is an inflammation of the vagina due to decreased mucous secretions - part of the whole post-menopause thing. Guess my pussy has gone the way of my face – dry, drier, and DRYEST. Now I’m the Sahara Desert inside and out. I should have gotten a clue that I was drying up when, in the mornings, I had to pry my top lip off my teeth. I wonder if Estee Lauder has ‘gina moisturizers.

I thought that being post menopausal was going to be a GOOD thing. My children aren’t afraid of me any more; I don’t have to label things to remember what they are called; I no longer fantasize about living in the freezer. But it looks like I’ve gained all that just to suffer with Vaginal Atrophy.

Never one to moan and bitch TOO long I have researched some solutions:

(1) Water soluble lubricants. My car and I will both be getting lube jobs now. At least I don’t have to make an appointment for mine. While my partner is waiting for his Viagra to kick in, I’ll be applying my K-Y. Is K-Y cheaper if you order it by the case?

(2) Vaginally administered estrogen creams. You’ll need a prescription for this - which, of course, will mean an appointment in the stirrups. Ride ‘em, Cowgirl! But I want to know - what happens if my partner gets some of it on his penis? Does he grow breasts? Does his voice change?

(3) Regular sexual activity. Finally a solution that I can climb on…I mean, live with! Good sex = sending my vagina to the gym for a work out. I knew there could be a happy ending to this.

Girlfriend Party ideas? I say get your book club together and read Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex by Joan Price. It’s an honest and frank book about senior sexuality - the changes, the challenges, the surprises, and the delights. Discuss it; share your own experiences. Have some fun and get some ideas!