Grandma’s Butt Cream for Your Face

by Anna

As a teenager I used Noxzema as my skin care plan. Then, in my 20s, I got a Clinique upgrade. After college and my first job I invested in Shiseido and, oh, my skin days were GOOD. Then came...The Lay Off. I was hoping that I could show my pink slip for a discount on skin care products but that seemed just to be part of The Lay Off psychosis.

Being out of a job for almost a year had me microwaving old coffee, using the heels of bread loaves and turning out lights (even with people still in the room).  As part of that scrimp and scrimp some more lifestyle, I tried various Wal-Mart and Dollar Store skin care crap and my skin has never looked worse. In fact, I actually ended up with a chemical burn and had to hibernate for a week without makeup. (This was NOT good for the job search.) The rest of the time I just looked like I had been exfoliating with a Brillo pad. I was drinking lots of water, hoping that would hydrate me and make my skin glow, but that only made me have to pee every 15 minutes. (Again, NOT good for the job search.) I bought a cheap bronzer to hide the red and peeley skin but it just made me look like a greasy oompa loompa.

But I finally found an inexpensive skin care plan - Cetaphil Antibacterial Gentle Cleansing Bar for Dry, Sensitive Skin (say that 5x’s fast) and Cetaphil Ultra Hydrating Lotion for Dry, Sensitive Skin (memorize all this because there will be a quiz later).

My friend, Beth, and I like to call the moisturizer, “Grandma’s Butt Cream.” But, in all seriousness, it works. It saved my face - it no longer looks like mistreated cow hyde. You all can thank me later.

For your next girlfriends' get together, give each other facials, share skin care tips and sip on this:

The Fountain of Youth

3 Cucumber slices

1.5 oz. Gin

2.5 oz. White Cranberry Juice

1 tsp. Pimm’s No.1

0.5 tsp. Fresh Lime Juice

Grab your shaker and throw in 2 of the cucumber slices with two handfuls of ice. Add the rest of the ingredients and shake vigorously. Strain into a frosted martini glass and garnish with the remaining slice of cucumber.