Women's Bodies in Time Travel

By Tonia

Question: When is a woman who’s not pregnant actually pregnant?

Answer: When she lives in Arizona.

Einstein theorized that time travel was possible. I’m a believer. I’m watching women’s rights go back in time……back to a time when pushing out babies was a woman's only purpose. Back to a time when it was believed that “the uterus has naturally an incredible desire to conceive and procreate.” 

Gosh, I’ve had some incredible desires in my lady parts but none of them were for making a baby. Most of my “incredible desires” were for … uh … the Big O.

Seriously. Birth control only for medical purposes? I foresee LOTS of women with medical problems in the future! In some states there is even proposed legislation that women can only get insurance coverage for the pill if their companies approve birth control. Really? If this passes, be sure to ask your boss if lunch is on the approved list of foods! And certainly stay away from bananas and cucumbers. You know how sexually dangerous THOSE things can be!

When did legislators become so interested in the most personal aspects of women’s bodies? Let’s all write letters to our Congressmen updating them on our periods (color, flow, cramps, etc), our pregnancies (weight changes, stretch marks, mucus plugs, etc.) and our menopause (hot flashes, vaginal atrophy, hair loss, etc.). Now that we know how much they care.

Here is some personal legislation I‘m thinking about proposing:

(1) Create state regulation over vasectomies – all vasectomies must be approved by a panel of women

(2) Criminalize ejaculation outside of a woman’s vagina – should be considered an action against an unborn child

(3) Require a rectal ultra sound in order to prescribe Viagra – make sure that prostate is in good shape before increasing blood flow

So, for your next girlfriends’ get together, find out what ridiculous legislation your state has pending against women’s reproductive rights and organize a demonstration on the capital steps or sign petitions and/or letters and send them to your legislators. Let us know how it goes!