Getting Lucky

By Tonia

"A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are." ~ Victor Lownes

I love words. I love their history. I love their double meanings. But sometimes I just have to question their absurdity. For example, why do we say a race is “neck and neck”? Its a competition – not a make-out session.  And why do men ask for her “hand in marriage”? Aren’t they really asking for her vagina?

And, for God’s sake, why is sex described as “getting lucky”? There’s no luck involved. It’s a friggin’ achievement! I go to a lot of trouble to get laid. Shave my legs, put on clean sheets, wear cologne, try to be charming …. Give me some credit here, people.

If we need a “luck” expression for sex I think some of our other “luck” expressions might fit better. You know, like ….

HARD luck

PUSH your luck

STROKE of luck

DOWN on your luck

Personally, I think getting lucky has more to do with the morning after – I’m lucky if I don’t have to peel a used a condom off the floor; I’m lucky if my make-up stays on all night and I don’t look like a raccoon waking up; I’m lucky if I can find a breath mint in my nightstand; I’m lucky if the guy is a great cook and brings me breakfast in bed (mostly because I can never find my recipe for toast).

But “luck” DOES rhyme with “fuck” so, heck, go ahead and get fucky-lucky. It’s almost St. Patrick’s Day.

And, for your girlfriends’ party consider making vagina cupcakes. They're easier than penis cupcakes. It's hard (or not hard) getting that frosting to stand up as a penis.