Breaking the Booger Barrier

By Tonia

“If you were a booger, I’d pick you.”

I recently went hiking with one of my dates. He’s quite athletic so I was trying to impress him with what great shape I’m in. Fortunately he stayed in the lead so he didn’t see me sweating, panting, grabbing at trees and gasping for air. When we finally reached the top of the mountain (felt like we’d gone up fucking Mt. Everest), we sat to enjoy the view. It could have been so romantic. Could have been. Instead, he slowly turned to me and said, “You have a booger on your lip.”

Holy shit. Just when I thought I could turn all that sweat into a sexy glow, my nasal cavity sends out a roly-poly wonder that clings to my face. Bringsa whole new meaning to “Hello, Sugar Booger” and “Don’t be snotty.” Sexpot FAIL.

It’s not that I have anything against boogers, mind you. I actually tease my grandchildren about wanting their boogers as keepsakes.  When my grandson was three, he once asked Rachel (my daughter), “Why does your mother like boogers so much?” She was speechless (a rarity).

It’s just that I had hoped that boogers wouldn’t be a part of my dating life. But I guess in the evolution of relationships we have to break the booger barrier sometime – not unlike other relationship barriers (see YouTube’s Breaking the Barrier - click HERE).

And, on the bright side, at least he didn’t see me picking my nose.  There are people with that obsession, you know. Its called Rhinotillexomania. Rhino = “nose,” tillexis = “habit of picking,” and mania = “excessive enthusiasm.” Put it all together and you get one enthusiastic nose picker!

So I want to know - why isn’t it illegal to pick your nose while driving? It’s just as dangerous as texting because everyone looks at the finger when the booger picking mission is accomplished. Hello! D.A.N.G.E.R.O.U.S.

Well, this blog is a bit hard to turn into a girlfriends’ party game suggestion, but here is a green drink recipe that we’re calling the Booger Barrier. Enjoy!

 

Booger Barrier

2 oz. Pinot Grigio

4 cucumber chunks

5 mint leaves

¾ oz. lime juice

¾ oz. simple syrup

1 oz. soda water

Garnish: use mint sprigs, cucumber slices, raspberries, whatever you think looks good!

In a shaker, muddle cucumber and mint leaves. Then fill with ice and add lime juice, simple syrup, and wine. Shake, shake, shake. Strain into a glass filled with ice and garnish.