Jul 9, 2013

Doggone It!

Posted by Tonia at Tuesday, July 09, 2013
by Tonia

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." - Wendy Liebman

I have a dog named Remington. He’s a mongrel that adopted me when I innocently visited an animal shelter. And, despite the fact that he walks around the house shedding like a chemo patient and chewing the crotches out of my panties (NOT in a sexy way!), he’s a pretty good companion. He doesn’t watch sports on TV all day and he looks me in the eyes when I talk to him!
AND he wants to be with me all the time. Hell, I can’t even go to the bathroom without him. This has made me very self-conscious about the way I pee and wipe. Am I doing it right? Is my stream strong enough? Should my wiping stroke be different? Am I remembering to go front-to-back? Is one swipe enough? Geez.
He even sleeps with me and hogs the pillow. If I do manage to escape into another room for ten seconds without him he’s as excited to see me as if I’d been gone six months. I bet if I locked Remington and my adult children in crates and came back an hour later, he’d be the only one happy to see me! (Kids would just be pissed.)

Besides the shedding and panty crotch obsession (often leaving my underwear with only a front and back flap – kinda’ like what the Indians wore in those old western movies), he tries to please me and is very transparent about his activities ….. unlike my friend’s dog .....
My friend lives alone with his dog. Each morning he makes his bed and each evening he returns to it completely unmade. It was quite a mystery until he figured out that the dog was having bitches over during the day and getting a little action. Quite the Dog Juan!
But I digress. Recently I took Remington with me on a road trip to Santa Fe. He was actually a very good traveler – was ready to leave on time; didn’t whine that he was bored; and didn’t bitch at me if I took a wrong turn. A perfect travel companion!
And since we’ve been here we’ve been doing lots of hiking. He loves it. He runs ahead of me on the trail – and then looks back at me to make sure I haven’t passed out. Now that’s love! I just need to train him to watch out for me at the bars now! And to drive me home…..

So, for your next girlfriends’ get together, have a DOGGONE IT party (“Doggone it,” by the way, originated as a euphemism for “goddamn it”). Plan a fundraiser for your local shelter. Serve Salty Dog Cocktails or decorate cupcakes to look like puppies. Some great tips for animal shelter fundraising HERE. Let us know how it goes!


Anonymous said...

Love the article and I miss my relative pup! I noticed, when we visited last, that Remington was loyally attached. I think he has been a great dog and all the stories you have shared show how good of a relationship you two have. That being said I feel confident that he made the best choice choosing you, in that you really mold him into that great dog he is. Miss you Remington and always miss you Aunt Tonia! FYI....you wouldn't even have to cage me to see how excited I was to see you...get that mind out of the gutter....that is a different topic. All in good humor, you are the best!!! -Rob

Anonymous said...

I took a couple long road trips this Summer, just me and my dog. Sometimes we camped, sometimes we stayed in a motel. He was happy to listen to whatever music I was in the mood for, and to hike anywhere I wanted to hike.

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