Ghosts of Thanksgivings Past

by Tonia

"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence." - Erma Bombeck

The holidays are approaching. That’s the good news …. and that’s the bad news. All those fantasies of twinkling lights, carols playing softly on the radio, the smell of sweet delicacies baking in the oven …. are, well, at our house, fantasies. It’s just not the holidays if someone doesn’t get sick, have car trouble, forget their suitcase, ruin a meal or get into an argument.

I remember one Thanksgiving trying to make mashed potatoes, and the damn things wouldn’t cook. I boiled them for over 3 hours and they were still hard as fucking rocks. My sour-faced family threatened pizza delivery so I finally gave up and fixed Minute Rice.

Another year I set my cell phone down on the counter where the food was being prepared. It disappeared and I was pretty sure someone had stuffed it in the turkey as a prank. We ate very carefully as no one wanted a bite of AT&T.

And I can’t tell you the number of years I’ve obsessed about not having enough plates and silverwear – only to remember at the last minute that I didn’t have enough CHAIRS! Six dining room chairs, a rolling office chair, a vanity stool …  Damn! Not enough for twelve people! That’s when ass-resting creativity sets in and the step ladder and heavy suitcases come out.....

Then, of course, there was the year someone forgot to defrost the turkey. And the year we went out to eat for Thanksgiving and one of the grandkids threw up in her dinner plate. And the year two of the grown kids got into a fist fight in the front yard (one of them writes on this blog with me). Aw, the memories…..

This year I'm hoping to God I don't forget to buy something for Thanksgiving dinner. If I have to go back to the store within 48 hours of Thanksgiving my day's plans will have to be canceled because every GD person in the state (and all the surrounding areas) will be making their last minute dash to the store. And it doesn't matter if I only need one item. The 15 people in front of me will have full carts.

But I’m thankful. Thankful for family; thankful for girlfriends; thankful for a job and a house, a goofy dog and vodka. Just not always thankful for Thanksgiving. Now.......where’s my Pumpkin Shot?

PUMPKIN SHOT (makes 4-6 shots)

2 jiggers Bailey's Irish Cream

2 jiggers Vanilla Vodka

1/3 cup pumpkin puree

1/8 tsp ground cinnamon

1/8 tsp ground nutmeg

pinch ground cloves

1/4 cup crushed ginger snap cookies

1/4 cup coconut milk

Prep shot glasses by dipping the rim in coconut milk and then in the crushed ginger snaps. 

In a small bowl, mix the pumpkin puree, cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves. 

In a cocktail shaker filled with 3/4 of ice, pour in the Bailey's, Vodka and the pumpkin puree mixture.  Shake, shake, shake. Really. Shake it again. Make sure its not lumpy. Pour into the rimmed shot glasses. Cheers!