Two for the Road

By Tonia

"The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket." ~Maxine

Each summer I drive from Tulsa, OK to Santa Fe, NM so I can escape the clothes-drenching, hair-style-wrecking, boob-dripping humidity of the mid-west. Seriously, even my fingernails sweat. George Carlin said, “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” If that advice were followed during Oklahoma summers, I’d NEVER get laid!

So this week Remington (the dog) and I headed west in my speedy Prius for our annual Santa Fe adventure. Typically Remington is a great travel companion. He doesn’t sing along with the music; he doesn’t change my stations; he stays in the back seat and he doesn’t criticize my driving. But this year he started the “Are we there yet?”

Remington: “Are we there yet?”

Me: “No. And don’t start it. That’s why I brought you instead of the kids.”

Remington: “Fine. Then can I drive?”

Me: “No. You don’t have thumbs.”

Remington: “You could tape my paws to the steering wheel.”

Me: “Have I mentioned that you’re a dog?”

Remington: “That was mean.”

So I told him his job was to watch for the highway patrol. He seemed satisfied.

Along the way we saw lots of road kill, a hexed exit and a rest stop that was closed. Do rest stops get to rest, too?

And we had so much f**king wind I was afraid we’d end up like Dorothy and Toto in the Land of Oz instead of Tonia and Remington in the Land of Enchantment. Or maybe it was getting my hair ready for the Wicked Witch of the West part. 

But we made it without a speeding ticket, without getting hexed and without becoming road kill. 

Now I’m ready to get my Santa Fe peeps together for some poker! And, if you want to do the same with your girlfriends, consider getting some personalized poker chips with your pics put on them (you can decide the poses)! Check it out HERE at Shindigz.