Blender Blazings

By Anna

My mother recently got into a Nutribullet craze. This woman already eats like a bird. Guess now she wants to liquify the nuts and yogurt she has for every meal. In her enthusiasm she wanted me to proselytize me into her new way of starving ..... and made me a smoothie. Earthy for sure, but I thought I could get into this! I could get all my vitamins and minerals - and give Taco Bueno a rest. 

So she bought me a Nutribullet. Have you seen these things? They obliterate food in less than 10 seconds. Scared the fucking shit out of me! Whole carrot = 3 seconds. Too bad you can’t put old boyfriends in there..... 

One of the ads says, “To get the most out of life you need to get the most out of your food.” I need to get the most out of what I'm tasting. Is that ginger, cucumber, pear?? Because now I’m craving sake .....

But I tried. I went to Whole Foods and blew $120 on fresh, organic, local veggies and fruits. I went home and threw carrot, basil and kale into my Nutribullet thinking this was going to be the best smoothie idea ever. Maybe it would’ve been easier had I read the directions cuz….. uh …..now I had salad dressing!! 

Then there was the cherry, blueberry, banana "oh shit slush." WTH. I really don't know how to work this obliterator/blender. Guess I need some advice on adding ice, yogurt, water. 

So I decided to read the directions. Some people actually do this before they use new contraptions. So tedious. So I skimmed through the book and read where it said to hold off on the alcohol. WHAT??? Dealbreaker! I wanted to use my Nutrabullet for a NutraBUZZit! Throw in those beautiful plump fruits and add that vodka! Back to infusions for me!

Thank you, Nutribullet; thank you, Mom! 

For your next girlfriends’ get together try this Nutribullet Piña Colada

Nutribullet Piña Colada

1/3 cup pineapple chunks 

1/2 cup vanilla almond milk

1/4 cup sweetened shredded coconut

1 teaspoon agave or stevia

1/4 cup rum

4 ice cubes

Throw everything into the NutriBullet and process until smooth (won’t take long – promise!). Serve in a chilled glass and garnish with a cherry garnish OR pour into a hollowed out pineapple.