Nov 16, 2014

Getting My Rocks Off

Posted by Tonia at Sunday, November 16, 2014
By Tonia

Always up for adventure (or any kind of escapade), I’ve recently decided to turn my garage into a small apartment (more blogs to follow on THIS project, I’m sure). My first step was to put in a ditch drain outside of the garage which meant getting my son to break up some concrete……which meant a huge pile of broken pieces of cement in my driveway……which meant figuring out how to get rid of said pieces of cement. Suddenly I realized I was between a rock and a hard place – or had rocks in my head – not sure which.
So I gave two former lovers a jingle and waa-laa…..strapping young bucks (well, middle aged geezers) toiling away at my will. Such a fantasy! I began to imagine a riding crop in my hand - Cleopatra and her slaves. And after their back-breaking work, they could fan me with giant palm leaves and feed me grapes while wearing skimpy little loin cloths.

But then reality took hold. I begged them to help me with promises of homemade granola, pizza and beer. A trashy move? Probably. But we were going to the dump – it seemed appropriate.

So, as we (yes, I helped!) were loading up the boulders, one of my “workers” suggested I needed work gloves. WORK GLOVES? What kind self-respecting diva has work gloves in her wardrobe? But, after two finger injuries, I went inside to search. I came out sporting some black wool, faux fur animal print cuffed gloves which brought snarky comments about my Green Acres Eva Gabor/Lisa Douglas look. When I protested, they just pointed to my high heeled boots. Smart asses.

But my favorite part of this adventure was going to the landfill/dump. I got to toss large chunks of concrete out of the back of a pickup amidst smells of dead opossums, used toilets and decaying rubbish. And I looked SMASHING doing it!

So, while this wasn’t a girlfriend adventure, it WAS a journey of friendship. Two former lovers - no longer in my bed - but forever cemented in my heart for their generosity and hard work on my behalf. Thanks, guys!

So the next time you have to call up some old….oops….I mean, EX-boyfriends to do some heavy lifting, serve up an Estrofests original, “The Dregs.” It’s a rock bottom kind of drink made from that last little bit of liquor in the bottle mixed with that last little bit of liquor from the other bottles. Think of it as an environmentally friendly drink since it uses liquor that would otherwise be tossed. Keeping  liquor in the tummy and out of the stinks there, take my word for it.


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