Nov 21, 2014

Vibrant, Vivacious Vaginas!

Posted by Tonia at Friday, November 21, 2014
by Tonia

“If someone asked me to pick out my own vagina’s mug shot out of a lineup of vaginas, I’d be helpless. And probably concerned about what exactly my vagina had been doing that constituted a need for its own mug shot.” ― Jenny Lawson

I recently read some facts about vaginas. And, since most of you dear readers (the three or four of you) also have vaginas, I thought I should pass on the information. 

(1) Vaginas sweat - this is normal and quite necessary. It protects those precious areas from rubbing against each other and overheating. Don’t need that pussy catching on fire, right? Wait!…..if that happens, do firemen come put it out? Hmmmm….need to rethink this one.

(2) The average vagina is 3-4 inches long but it can expand up to approximately 8 inches. In fact, in 2011, a woman was charged with heroin possession after 54 bags of the stuff were found inside her vagina. Holy crap! That’s more baggage space than a Mazda Miata! I'm reconsidering my need to purchase carry-on luggage. You know, because of the airline bag fees.....

(3) Some women develop allergies to the proteins in semen. It’s known as human seminal plasma protein hypersensitivity. Research shows that certain women are allergic to certain men but not to others. We need research to tell us that? Any woman with an ex-boyfriend can tell you all about it!

(4) Vaginas can fall out of your body (called vaginal prolapse). If the muscles and ligaments around the vagina weaken or deteriorate enough it can cause the vagina to fall right out. Holy shit, that’s scary! It’s like your vagina is trying to run away from home. Come back! Come back!

(5) Vaginas secrete Squalene, a substance used in skin moisturizers and is believed to protect against cancer. I need to tell my boyfriend that he’ll benefit from going down on me more - he’ll be younger looking and live longer! I’m a giver that way.

(6) The average pH level (acid/base balance) of a vagina is about 4. Wine and beer have the same pH level as vaginas. Just think of your va-jay-jay as intoxicating! MORE reasons to send the boy/girlfriend south!

(7) Even though clitorises are way smaller than penises, they have twice as many nerve endings. In other words, they have a lot of nerve being a bundle of nerves! And while some men need Map Quest to find a clitoris, its well worth the discovery!

So, if you're daring and a little bit bawdy (and naughty), have a Celebrate Your Vagina party with your favorite girlfriends. Here are some ideas but be sure to comment below if you have additional ones!

---- Set out a Compliment Your Vagina box 
---- Get finger paints and finger painting paper and have everyone paint a picture of their vaginas
---- Create a display of different cultures' myths about the power of the vagina
---- Serve cupcakes decorated with frosting vaginas (for more ideas visit the Vagina Cupcake Facebook page HERE.)


JeSonge on November 21, 2014 at 11:42 PM said...

Hysterical as well as informational. #5 made me giggle especially. And...those cupcakes, oh my!!!!! WE need to have a cupcake decorating party with The Vagina Monologues playing in the background.
We could also play Pin the Penis on the Clitoris. : )

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