Quik Trip for a Quick Shit

By Tonia

"Instead of John, I call my bathroom Jim. It sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing in the morning....."

In the midst of a huge turn-my-garage-into-an-apartment construction job AND a major roof repair from a recent tornado, my sewer line decided it was time to die. Yep. Croaked. Now my mind was on the literal gutter.

I’m told that nothing lasts forever – even sewer lines. Well, crap. No one tells you to ask the age of the sewer lines when you buy a home. Looked like mine were pre-historic.

Sooooo during the 5-day repair (the lines ended up being halfway to China), the toilet was out of commission. Peeing could easily be done in the bathtub but bowel movements needed an expedition to a public toilet somewhere nearby. No more walking into the bathroom and casually thinking, “I may as well poop while I’m in here.” No more Mexican food. No more granola!!

And let me just say – having to leave one’s home to shit makes one much more intestinally reflective. Do I really need to poop or is this just gas? Is this really exit time or are things just moving down in preparation? Is this something I can wait on or is this a rush job? “To poop or not to poop” – that became our question. If we waited too long there might be a line at the public restroom; if we left too soon we had to pretend to shop for awhile. Anna had an emergency one morning and ended up using a shower cap. TMI.

I personally made Quik Trip my place of intestinal relief. And, while I can attest to their clean restrooms, I did have a poop stand off with a woman in another stall. We were both waiting for the other to leave so we could go. I won. She had no idea who she was dealing with.

But the Day of Final Repair finally came. My yard looked like a war zone but I could flush. Such a glorious sound. Now to pay the bill…….

And for a girlfriends’ get together consider decorating your toilet like a real throne. Just for shits and giggles.