Just Because It Zips Doesn't Mean It Fits

By Anna

"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" --Rita Rudner

Recently my roommate and I needed more closet space. We had tons of clothes that were grossly out of style and humiliatingly too small. We made it a special point of getting rid of anything with appliqué, anything from a prom, anything with a yellowed price tag still attached. As we evicted these items from our closets we chunked them into plastic bins. Then an idea.

A clothes swapping party! Genius. Who doesn’t want free clothes?

We invited our girlfriends of all sizes. Told them to bring their unwanted clothes. When the night came for our party, those of us who scored the most were those of us without kids. The mommies of the group just frowned and called us skinny bitches and drank.

For entertainment my roommate goaded me into trying on our fashion "gem." I squeezed my size 7 ass into a size 0 Daisy Dukes & strutted my stuff. With my beer gut hanging over the top and the circulation cut off in my legs, I danced for everyone. (And there will be no pictures of THAT in this blog.)

None of us will ever be the size we were in college. Together we have learned to embrace our changing bodies with humor and support (both the girlfriend kind and the spandex kind).

Later during our party we did a Runway Modeling Show. Leopard pants & sequin tops never looked that good. So, in honor of our roundness and our curves, have a clothes swapping party and fix some Blubber Embracers.

Blubber Embracer (a.k.a. Vegas Bomb)

Fill your high ball glass with ice
Add:
½ cup Red Bull
1 oz. Malibu Rum
1 oz. Crown Royal
1 oz. Peach Schnapps
Stir and drink!

P.S. If you have a hard time letting go of your things, invite your girlfriends for a Purge Me Party. Have them tie you to a chair, gag you, and tear through your drawers and closets purging your fashion disasters. After the clothes have left the premises, your gag and ties can be removed. You may want to save the gag and ropes for a different kind of party later (wink, wink).