Payin’ for Pain

By Anna

Erma Bombeck said she didn’t participate in sports where ambulances waited at the bottom of the hill. My family seems to lack that good sense. Recently my mother took 13 of us snow skiing – men, women and children. She spent an arm and a leg so we could break an arm and a leg. Could this be her revenge for my adolescence?

While I enjoy getting swept off my feet (on the lift or any other way!), I gave “hitting the slopes” a whole new meaning. In fact, if you've never been snow skiing, you can prepare yourself with some of these exercises:

• Visit your local ice cream store and pay $150 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Sit in front of a fan that is blowing ice shavings.
• Walk back and forth over and over again through the mall parking lot with weights in your boots. Carry two pairs of skis, and two sets of poles, while holding the hand of a crying child. Pretend you are looking for your car.
• Buy a pair of gloves and throw one away. Go buy another pair of gloves for $75 and throw the same glove away.
• Go to Burger King when a busload of hungry, tired, tourists go in. Try to figure out where the line is and then get in the longest one. Keep asking if it is the line for food.
• Put on as many layers of clothing as you can. Then try to go pee.
• Leg wrestle with a girlfriend for six hours and then try to do it again the next day. Do this without pain medication.

But, oh, the comfort of the cabin. Getting in my Snuggies, sitting next to the fire, drinking my favorite version of an Irish Coffee. You don’t have to go skiing to make this drink, but a girlfriends’ ski trip WOULD be fabulous.

Get with your girlfriends anywhere this winter, start a fire (preferably in a fireplace) and enjoy a Skiers Ben Gay.

Skiers Ben Gay

1.5 oz Jameson Irish Whisky

0.5 Tbls Cinnamon

6 oz Hot Chocolate

Whipped cream

Chocolate or carmel

Stir together the booze, cinnamon and hot chocolate in a coffee mug without going into a trance. Dollop a generous amount of whipped cream on top. Drizzle chocolate or caramel on top if you have that much energy. If you really do go skiing, offer to make a fellow skier one in exchange for a foot massage.