Aug 7, 2011

Studs or Duds: Online Dating - part 2

Posted by Tonia at Sunday, August 07, 2011
by Anna

If dating is a mystery, online dating is a voyage into strange new worlds - boldly going where no thin-skinned person should go. All those hidden rules. For example, what does it mean when they say, “We should get together?” Does that mean I should eat beforehand? Does that mean he’s paying? Does it mean I should put on something casual or sexy? And, most importantly, should I shave?

So my second attempt at online dating (for first attempt see blog titled, Online Dating is Pure Entertainment) was with a guy who was good looking, athletic & established (so his profile read). After a few online chats we decided to meet. He said he would like to take me out to celebrate my new job. When I got to the restaurant he was acting weird and laughing nervously. He joked about having to do the dishes instead of paying. Turns out he “left his credit card at home” - but wasn't saying anything about going back to get it. He waved his 1993 checkbook case saying, “But I remembered my checkbook.” I had to ask the waiter if they even accepted checks because this guy didn’t have the balls to ask himself. Of course they didn't accept checks! So I suggested that he go home and get his credit card. I already had heartburn and I hadn’t even started eating yet. I wasn’t even sure that he would come back. So, when he went home to grab his card, I bolted. Later he messaged me, "Did you leave me?" Yup. Maybe I should just go back to meeting with him online. He was more engaging there.

The 3rd guy that I went out with happened to be a surgeon. Great, I thought. Maybe he won’t lean on me to pay. But it turned out that he was 55 (I’m 30), going through a divorce and recovering from a cocaine addiction. His second date offer was, "We could go to an AA meeting together." Um...pass. I work hard to keep my drinking under control so I DON’T have to end up at meetings. Smoke-filled rooms and gallons of coffee is no way to romance this chick.

So what am I learning from online dating?

(1) Don’t judge a book by its cover – or a guy by his photo-shopped pic.
(2) Clicking a mouse is a lot easier than clicking with a person.
(3) If he doesn’t seem to understand that you are not interested, just say it, “Dude, I’m just not that into you.” If that doesn’t work, try, “You. Me. Not good. No date. Not now. Not ever.”
(4) Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS subtract at least 2 inches from his listed height.

So, in honor of my online dating experiences, here is a drink for you to try at your next girlfriends’ get together. We are calling it the No Mate Date.

                                    No Mate Date

                                            1 part  peach schnapps
                                            1 part orange juice
                                            1 part fresh lemonade

Mix equal parts of each ingredient in a highball glass, add ice, and a lemon slice; serve and drink (duh).


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