Fifty Shades of Ruined

by Tonia

 “You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.” – Elmo Phillips

If you haven’t heard about Fifty Shades of Grey you’re obviously living in some kind of cave on the top of Mt. Everest. It sold 10 million copies in six weeks and has replaced the Gideon Bible on the bedside tables in one British hotel. Bet THAT’S an interesting devotional for unsuspecting guests!

Obviously I had to read it. I knew the blog would want my review. Oh, the sacrifices I make!

It’s a story about a wealthy businessman, Christian Grey, and his kinky sexual practices in BDSM (Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism) with the lovely Anatasia Steele who starts out as a virgin. Now, let me say that Anatasia struggles some with the role of a Submissive and, while she never states this, I could easily hear her say, “I don’t like being told what to do …… unless I’m naked.” Which sorta’ makes sense to me.

The book is poorly written and Anatasia’s conflict with her ‘inner goddess’ and ‘unconscious’ got on my nerves, but the sex scenes were hot and I needed my vibrator more than a couple times. I think Saturday Night Live did the best job showing the results of women's response to the book, though. Click here for their skit.

Earlier this year the New York Post reported a huge jump in rope sales in hardware stores - especially to women - after the release of Fifty Shades of Grey. Hmmmm. I guess after women asked clerks to show them the ropes, THEY showed the ropes to some happy partners!

Personally, now that I’ve read it, I’m ruined. If someone asks me a question that I don’t know the answer to, I can never again say, “Beats me.” When I watch CNN and hear about Wall Street – you know, stocks and bonds – I imagine brokers in various restraints. And a report about the House Whip has me seeing Representatives getting spanked (hey, maybe that would help politics!).

OMG, and if I walk into a pet store, I completely miss the dog food and only notice all the collars and leashes! And, I want to know, are “submissive wives” really just into kink?

And a new dilemma for me is my skin care regime. I now have to be concerned about the skin on my ass as well as the skin on my face. It exhausts me. Someone PLEASE give me a safeword to protect me from myself! Put it in the comments below.

And, for your next girlfriend’s get-together consider having a Food Porn Party and ask your girlfriends to bring their most decadent desserts! Here’s one of our decadent recipes:

Chocolate Raspberry Jello Shot

You'll need:

Mini candy cup mold

Ingredients:

1 cup vodka (plain, vanilla, Pinacle Whipped, etc.)

1 - 3 oz. box raspberry Jello

1 bag chocolate candy melts

1. Follow the instructions on the mini candy cup mold by using dark chocolate. Put them in the freezer for about 5 minutes to help them harden.

2. Bring one cup water to a boil and add jello. After powdered jello is dissolved, let it sit until just warm.

3. Add one cup vodka to liquid jello mix.

4. Remove your chocolate bowls from the freezer. Pour the jello mixture into the bowls

5. Refrigerate over night. Yummy!

“Kinky is when you use duck feathers in making love. Perverted is when you use the whole duck.” – Lewis Grizzard