Wrinkles, Waistlines, and Whiskers: Oh My!

by Tonia

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country." - Kurt Vonnegut
  

I’m getting ready to go to ... *ahem* ... my 40 year high school reunion in a few weeks. They say that inside every older person is a young person wondering what the hell happened. Yep, its true. Time may be a great healer, but it's a shitty beautician.

As a former hippie, I had hoped that going braless all those years would have pulled the wrinkles out of my face - but no such luck. I have sagging jowls…AND saggy boobs. I remember seeing some little wrinkles around my eyes at the 20 year reunion and thinking they were kinda’ cute. Now I’m buying shoes by the truckload so people will look at my feet instead of my face.

As for the weight gain, this is our 40 year class reunion - the Roman Numerals for 40 is XL. Aging and weight gain  seem to go together like a hand and glove - well, maybe a size twelve hand in a size two glove. Does anyone know where I can get a control-top turtleneck? But there ARE some benefits to the extra pounds. When my neighbors play music too loud, I dance naked in front of the window and they shut it off. Works like a charm. 

For the reunion, I’m thinking that due to our changing physiques and failing eyesight, we should wear sandwich boards instead of nametags. That would prevent me from having to put on my glasses every time I wanted to see the person's name who I'm talking to.  

So I guess I’m going to the reunion. I’ll put on my Spandex and slather on the dry skin lotion so I can drink legally with these former teenagers. Wish me luck!

And, in honor of “getting to know you again,” have a Girlfriend Bingo game at your next girlfriends’ get-together. Create a bingo card of secret characteristics or deeds of each girlfriend.  Make copies and pass the out with pens.  The goal is to find the girlfriends that match the description on the card and to write the names in the appropriate bingo card square.  If needed, a girlfriend can appear more than once on the card. BINGO!

(And be sure to post any suggestions that you have for me getting ready for the reunion!)