Stress Test - Not My Best Fest

By Tonia

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” – Erma Bombeck

I was recently scheduled for a cardiac stress test. Evidently raising 3 children wasn't enough of a cardiac stress test.

Making the appointment I was directed to refrain from eating anything for several hours prior to the test and to avoid caffeine that morning. This was already becoming stressful. I was also told to wear comfortable clothing and shoes but, when the morning of the stress test arrived, I couldn’t find my tennis shoes - guess they ran off. I grabbed a pair of flat boots and became more stressed. When I arrived at the clinic I was asked for a $250 co-payment. I was pretty sure they wouldn’t need the treadmill now for me to have a heart attack on the spot.

I moved to a room that must be part of the tiny home movement: a treadmill, a hospital bed, an EKG monitor, and an ultrasound machine all crammed into 100 square feet. Laying on the table the EKG/ultrasound tech cleaned and sandpapered my skin. Exfoliation at no extra charge? Cool. But I needed her to do my face - not my boobs.

Then she began putting stickers on all over my chest. I asked if I was getting stickers for being a good girl. Uh. Guess not.

She had me roll over onto my left side to do the pre-stress EKG and ultrasound. I once heard a hospice nurse say she could help patients “go” faster by rolling them over onto their left sides. Was this tech paying me back for my sticker comment??? EEEEEK! I haven’t finished my will! 

 

I survived the left side ordeal and was finally placed on the treadmill. It started out slowly and seemed pretty easy-peasy. Watching the nightly news was more stressful than this. Then it began to speed up. And speed up more. I haven’t run that fast since I sprinted to the toilet with diarrhea (see Echoes in the Canyon).

Heart attacks are the leading cause of death in U.S. women. So, as Valentines Day approaches and we focus on all things of the heart, get your girlfriends together and watch this funny video about women’s heart attacks (CLICK HERE). Learn about women’s unique heart attack symptoms (guess what – they’re different from men’s) – instead of chest pain, women feel fatigue, weakness, dizziness, nausea, shortness of breath, and jaw pain; talk about ways to take better care of yourselves!