Toadly Disgusting

By Rachel

According to “experts,” classroom pets teach children responsibility and empathy – and, for some children, pets serve as a friend. Blah, blah, blah…

Well, in one of my delusional states (no other explanation), I offered to keep the classroom pet while the teacher was on vacation for two weeks this summer. It happened at the year-end party. I tried to pretend I didn’t hear her asking for a volunteer but I inadvertently made eye contact and she repeated the request. So, I was stuck with Fire Belly Toads for 2 weeks. My daughter was thrilled!

The teacher nonchalantly mentioned she was out of food so I volunteered get some. Went to the pet store to buy pellets or flakes…. or whatever the hell it is that they eat. After stalking and capturing a store employee I told him I couldn’t find the pellets for Fire Belly Toads. He informed me that they eat live crickets. Now I pay good money to have an exterminator keep bugs out of my house and now I’m purposefully bringing them in?! I told the cashier to double knot the bag as I have a bug phobia.

My husband called and said he had to work late so it would be the kids and me serving crickets to the Fire Belly Toad. I put the cage and box of crickets in the bathroom and went to look for a net or some gadget so I wouldn't have to touch anything. Then I heard my kids screaming like banshees so I charged back to the bathroom. Turns out my 3 year old had opened the box and freed the crickets. Those suckers were EVERYWHERE!!

Did I mention that I have a bug phobia? I imagined them in my hair and all over my body. Couldn't breath. I began to experience an involuntary gag reflex. I almost called 911 but called my husband instead - told him there was an emergency at home. He laughed and refused to come. I told him that if he didn’t come home right that minute I’d be serving him crickets in his next meal. He wisely came home and spent the next 2 hours spraying every inch of the house. I bribed the neighbor kid to keep and feed the toads for the next two weeks.

Make these cute and easy Frog/Toad cupcakes the next time you get together with girlfriends and are talking about the “toads” in your lives…or are hopping into a new venture…

Frog/Toad Cupcakes

1 (18.25 ounce) package chocolate cake mix

1 (16 ounce) can prepared vanilla frosting

6 drips green food coloring, or as needed

¼ cup green decorator sugar

12 large marshmallows

Wilton Black Decorating Gel

Wilton Red Decorating Gel

Bake cupcakes according to the directions on the package. Allow them to cool completely. Mix the frosting with green food coloring. Frost the cupcakes and then sprinkle the green sugar over the tops. Cut the marshmallows in half (width to width) to make two circles. Dip half of each marshmallow into water and then dip it into the green sugar to make the eye lids. Place on the cupcakes using a little icing to secure into place. Use a small amount of icing to glue a chocolate chip into the center of each eye for the pupil. Use the Wilton Black Decorating Gel to draw the smiling mouths and the Wilton Red Decorating Gel to make the red tongues.

NOTE: My daughter helped decorate the cupcakes. She said she wanted to make them look like they were eating crickets. I told her we wanted people to want to eat them not hurl on them.