The Wench is a Pirate

By Tonia

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides the other night. Sigh. Even with gold teeth and dirty fingernails, Johnny Depp is still totally popular in my bed….I mean, in my book.

Even found a website where I could make a baby with him. Here’s what Johnny’s and my baby looks like:

This is probably the only baby I’ll ever make with him given that I’m post-menopausal ….. well, and the fact that it’s a little hard to meet him.

So the movie got me thinking about women pirates.

Lady Mary Killigrew of Cornwall grew up in a family of notorious pirates and led the seizing of a Spanish ship; Charlotte de Berry, pretended to be a man and fought for the Royal Navy along side her husband but later turned to piracy after her husband was killed; Loi Chai-san was known as the Queen of the Macao Pirates and was famous for her raiding and kidnapping. She forbid the pirates on her ship to speak to her directly or to enter her cabin. Now there’s a woman with some power.

You gotta’ love women who can disregard societal norms and live a life of total freedom. Or maybe that’s just me.

So consider a girlfriends’ pirates party. September is actually a great time to do this since September 19^th is the official Talk Like a Pirate Day. Decorate your house with nets, coins, ropes, and treasure chests. Paint several styrofoam coolers brown and place brass brads around the sides to look like treasure chests. Then fill with ice and beer. For entertainment, try these games (compliments of Christina, who throws this party annually):

Peg Leg Race

Have participants find a partner. Tie one leg of each partner together for a 3 legged peg leg race to the finish line. 

Pirate Dare or Dare

On index cards write down various pirate dares that participants can read and act on. Here are some suggestions:

1. Pick a skallywag in the group and parrot everything she does or says for the next 5 minutes.

2. Spell yar pirate name with yar booty.

3. Do yar best booty dance.

4. Pick a lass and sing a pirate song together (“Yo ho, yo ho, the pirate life for me...” etc.)

5. Do yar best impression of a barnacle.

6. Look a wench’s boobies and say, “Ahoy Maties.”

7. Put a piece of ice down yar pants and say, “Shiver me timbers!”

8. Take a shot of rum

9. Using only a hook, feed yarself.

10. Pick a sprog (untrained pirate recruit) and give ‘er all yar coin money.