Sep 5, 2011

Labor Day is Really for Moms

Posted by Tonia at Monday, September 05, 2011
by Tonia
"Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head." - Carol Burnett

Labor Day. I’m thinking it should be a second Mothers’ Day. A day to acknowledge the labor exerted to shove children out of vaginas – not to mention the labor exerted to raise them. It certainly felt like labor to me - the overwhelming urge to crawl out of my body to get away from my uterus; pushing seven-pounds through an area that had formerly only held a one ounce tampon and a six ounce penis.

I remember my very first Labor Day. I had stopped by my obstetrician’s office to inquire about some “cramps” I was experiencing. The doctor informed me that I was almost fully dilated and needed to get to the hospital ASAP. I was in labor.  I thought, “Well, damn. This is not the day I planned to do this. I have too much work to do.” But no choices here – today was my own very special labor day.

The impregnator drove me to the hospital. After hitting several bumps and seams in the road I told him he’d better f#%king slow down. Well, I may not have said it that nicely. He knew it was better to listen to me and deliver an infant in a car with no leg room than to get to the hospital and have to live with a crazed wife for many, many years.

But, despite the 10 mph snailmobile ride, we did make it to the hospital in time to do paperwork. The admissions folks wished me good luck as I was whisked away to Labor and Delivery. Now, why would someone wish a laboring woman good luck? It’s not Las Vegas, for God’s sakes. It’s labor. I don’t want luck. I want a holiday – and drugs.

And while labor is laborious, delivery ain’t no picnic either. All that pushing and pushing and pushing to get a basketball size head to emerge. No mood for humor. No sireee. This is labor. Pushing that baby out is hard work and, when you finally get it out, your baby tunnel looks like a crime scene and feels like a bomb exploded. But what lies in your arms is precious beyond words. A human life that you made. A miracle. It’s good to savor the moment….because it’s going to be at least 18 more years of labor. Happy Labor Day, Moms.
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4 comments:

Bodacious Boomer on September 5, 2011 at 9:14 PM said...

An enema and 7 hours of excruciating pain followed by hemorrhoids?

Labor day indeed.

However we were lucky enough to take home a healthy, beautiful baby boy after all that though so I'd do it again in a flash if I weren't 106.

Tonia on September 5, 2011 at 11:26 PM said...

Yea, 106 is a bit old to be havin' babies!! Lol.

MsCheeVS on September 7, 2011 at 10:41 AM said...

Well I got slapped by the nun at the Catholic Hospital where I gave birth to my son for screaming so loud and turning my head from side to side like Linda Blair in the exorcist!!!

I will NEVER forget that LABOR!

MsCheeVS on September 7, 2011 at 10:44 AM said...

Come to think of it I never had another child after that either!! Ha ha ha!

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