Ain't No Silver Lining in Going Gray

By Anna

“Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.” ~ Bob Monkhouse

My 30s have brought gray hair, crow’s feet and bad hangovers. I was always told that a woman’s prime is in her 30s. I didn’t know that my prime would be so high maintenance. Hair dye, expensive face wash, and staying properly hydrated. Geez, it’s like a part time job trying to keep appearances.

I noticed my first gray about 3 years ago. I told my mother that I was going to give it to her to put in my baby book but she informed me that it was not the first gray hair I had given her. Ha, ha, Mom. Don’t know what you’re talking about. From what I’ve read about graying and heredity, SHE’s the one who has given ME gray hair!

One gray hair 3 years ago. But now I look in the mirror and see lots of little silver hands waving, “Hello, we’re dying over here!” Taunting me, the little f*#kers. It seems like I’m turning gray as fast as President Obama. So I pluck them - which is not good because then my trichotillomania starts to kick in. Some of the hairs I pull aren’t even gray but they are so shiny that I convince myself that they are. I know that bald is supposed to be beautiful now – but I think that is supposed to be for men, not women.

I mean, what gives? Have I partied and stressed my youth away? What a rip-off. Is this even normal? I’ll tell ya what’s not normal - not having a widows peak because I’m not sure if its gone gray or my baby blonde hairs have been singed from the sun. Either way they have been plucked away.

So what do I do? Got. To. Go. Buy. Hair. Dye. I even have to cut the coupons because now I must do it more frequently - or I will have a bald spots in addition to an absent widows peak.

My grandma used to say, “Growing old ain’t for sissies.” And in honor of my grandma growing old gracefully, and mostly without complaint, here is a blow pop martini recipe dedicated to her playful spirit…..which my mom, sister and I have inherited, in case you can’t tell! Enjoy at your next girlfriends’ get together with it!

Blow Pop Martini

Combine and shake:

1 part frozen lemonade concentrate
2 parts bubble gum flavored vodka
2 parts water
.5 part sour watermelon or sour apple liqueur

Then:
Rim martini glasses with pop rocks; pour drink into glasses and stick a blow pop in them. Totally delicious and fun!