Seeing Red

by Anna

After moving my mother 4 times in 1 year (due to minor disasters like divorce and an apartment fire), we finally moved her into a cute, comfy house of her own in May. But, of course, Mom spends her summers in Santa Fe, so she basically just dropped off all her shit and ran for the hills…..or high desert. While she is away on her "sabbatical," I'm to tend the lawn, water the flowers, check the mail, AND paint the bathroom….. 

The bathroom. Mom chooses RED, electric RED, to go over the former owner’s newly painted brown bathroom. She buys "primer paint" which supposedly allows you to skip a step in the whole painting process. Fail. Fail. FAIL. This bitch red has taken not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 coats of paint. I'm wearing more red to work now...I've even painted my nails 80s Slut Red! I may be feeling blue, but I’m seeing red….

And, I want you to know that this is the smallest bathroom known to womankind with all kinds of little partial walls and nooks and crannies. I have become quite the contortionist. I was holding my own unique yoga poses for over 20 minutes at a time. (There will be NO pictures!)

So have your girlfriends over and have yourself a free style yoga party! It's good for your mind and good for your muscles.

And, after a few of these drinks, you'll soon know who the most flexible woman of your group is. Hire her to paint all of your small, hard to reach places cuz I’m on my way to the chiropractor.....

Red Spicy Bitch 

1 part pepper vodka 

2 parts V8

Combine into shaker with half ice, shake and poor into martini glass. Oh, yea, and drink….