Soccer Mom Probation

by Rachel

“The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move, kick it until it does.” -  Phil Woosnam

 

Sitting outside in the blazing 300 degree Texas sun, make-up melting and sliding down my face like war paint, I’m hoping that my deodorant lasts at least an hour. Across the field I see moms having wet t-shirt contests in order to stay cool. Bitches. This is my Saturday morning ritual at 5 year old soccer.

I thought soccer would be a great way for my kids to get some exercise and learn teamwork. Turns out that I’ve joined some kind of insidious cult. Parents are on the sidelines screaming and running around like maniacs without medication. Note to screaming parents: your kids can’t hear you!

This past Saturday was our 3^rd soccer game of the fall season. It started out like most games: one kid crying because he didn’t want to play, one kid trying to catch butterflies, one kid dancing around holding himself because he had to pee, everyone clustered on top of the ball. But this game was to be different. The other team kept pushing and tripping our boys. Finally one of our parents yelled at the ref and jabbed her finger into his chest. Well, that didn’t go well … our team is now on probation …

They need to pass out Valium at these things…..

For your next girlfriends’ get together, when you absolutely need Valium (or chocolate!), make these delicious chocolate bars. Serve with vodka.

Healthy Chocolate Bars

½ cup peanut butter

¼ cup butter

1/3 cup honey

1.5 cup real oats (not instant)

2 tablespoons flax seed

1 teaspoon vanilla

½ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Melt the honey, peanut butter and butter in a pot over medium heat, stirring constantly. Remove from burner once melted. Pour in the oats, vanilla, flax seed, and chocolate chips. Stir until ingredients are combined. Pour into a well-greased 8X8 pan and put it in the fridge until the mixture cools. Cut and eat!