Mom FAIL

By Tonia

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" – Milton Berle

I never duct taped my kids to the wall, put them on leashes, or held them upside down off a balcony, but I certainly had my share of Mom Fails. I mean, I really tried to be a good mother, but there were THREE of them and only ONE of me. Something had to give.

So I may have let one of them eat cat food; and I may have let another one eat dirt.......and I can't bring myself to say what the third one ate.

I might have run out of cloth diapers and used my ex-husband’s shirt as a baby pee-pee absorber. I might have been in my nightgown when I took them to school and ran out of gas on the way. And I might have forgotten to pick one of them up after school once ….. uh, OK, twice.

And, yes, I may have let Anna believe that some of Rachel’s baby pictures were hers. And I might have laughed when Josh used the Barbie dolls for BB practice. And I could have told one of them that I only gave birth to her to be my personal slave. And ….. well, I may have said that I took up gardening to hide the dead bodies of my other disobedient children. Geez. Everyone is such a critic!

I made sacrifices, you know! All those nights with a sleeping baby on my chest when I soooo needed to pee. All those shopping trips with teenage girls who wouldn’t make up their minds which swim suit to buy. And all those years of body fluids. OMG, the body fluids. You know the ones – pee, poop, snot, vomit, breast milk. I’ve worn them all  – in both genders!

So, as Mothers Day approaches, I wanted to come clean – and give other mothers permission to let go of perfection. The parenting literature talks about the "good enough mother" - not the "do-it-all-perfectly-or-your-kids-will-be-fucked-up-forever mother." And I can attest to that. Despite me, all three of my kids turned out to be delightful adults. Two of them are even on this blog. 

SO, for your next girlfriends’ get together, those of you who are moms may want to play our Bad Mom Bingo. It'll make you feel better! Happy Mom's Day!