BUONA SERA, ITALIA

By Tonia

I went to Italy last summer with a girlfriend and my sister. Don’t worry – no Eat, Pray, Love story here - we didn’t need four months to study Italian. We simply studied our Italian Phrase Book for Idiots on the way over. We figured we could be fluent by the time we landed. From the Sex and Romance chapter we learned to say, "Now, what did you say your name was?" 

While flying (and not studying the Italian Phrase Book for Idiots), my friend slept with her feet under the seat in front of her. The sleeping child seated there peed all over herself AND my friend’s shoes. She squished every step to baggage claim with my sister and me hysterically following. Nothing says Italian romance like urine-saturated tennis shoes.

During the trip we took a wonderful ferry ride to Cinque Terre. Well, it WAS wonderful until my sister’s purse fell overboard with all her money, identification, and passport. 

Soooo in MILAN (not part of our original itinerary) my sister and I went to the consulate's office for a new passport - minus girlfriend who went on to Venice without us (bitch!). At the American consulate, I couldn't go in due to heightened security. (It’s that terrorist look I get when I'm traveling without my regular skin care products.) But, while waiting outside, I did get to:

1.) See several changings of the guard dogs (sorta’ like the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace - except with leashes)

2.) Witness the stopping of a tourist to delete material on his video camera (NO PICTURES ALLOWED in front of the American consulate’s office) – tourist looked like he was about to throw up

3.) Make friends with a nice Muslim lady. In the time that we waited together we exchanged our life stories …. and the life stories of our parents, our grandparents, and our great grandparents. I felt closer to her than my sister by the time we left.

My sister finally did emerge so we headed off to meet my friend in Venice. There we took a ride in a gondola ..… but only after chaining my sister’s purse to her body. We found a hot gondo-babe/gondolier and made him sing to us. I couldn't figure out a way to ditch my sister and friend so it ended up being a foursome. Damn.

So what does this have to do with girlfriends’ parties? Who doesn’t want to go to Italy? But if you can’t plan a girls’ trip to Venice or Rome, bring Italy to your house with an Italian party:

Ask your girlfriends to dress as gondoliers or wear Venetian-type masks.

For decorations, insert candles into empty Chianti bottles, and let wax drip down the sides. Use red and white checkered table clothes or the colors of the Italian flag. Hang travel posters featuring various Italian cities or reproductions of famous art work by Italian artists. 

Serve Italian wines and Bruschetta. Place bowls of olives around for snacks and decoration. If you are feeling particularly productive make Tiramisu. And for a REALLY great time, invite male strippers and ask them to dress up as Roman soldiers! Any other ideas?