Summer War Zone

By Rachel

It’s a war zone at my house. Case in point - two children arguing over who breathed on who first, whose car seat is softer; who gets the yellow Lego  (never mind that there are fifteen more just like it in the box). You get the picture. Some days I have this hallucination that ropes are forming around the room and the boxing bell is going off as my living room transforms itself into a fighting ring. But the fighting is not limited to the house.

The other day they had an escalated blaming match at the pool over whose french fry landed in the sleeping sunbather’s mouth. Since neither one of them threw it, I can only surmise that McDonalds sells air borne fries.

And is it really normal for children to sit on each other’s heads and fart? My husband tells me that farting is considered good manners in some countries. Where? Fartland?

The tattling is another issue! At the store: my daughter screaming that my youngest picked his nose and put his booger on the door of the frozen food section. I tell ya, I’ve given so many time-outs this summer that my kids will have to stay in their rooms until they’re 30.

The “experts” tell me that the following strategies will work. Whatever. Here is my spin on it:

1.       Calm down and relax. All I can say is: DRUGS or lots of RED WINE

2.      Remember the good times and laugh. Good times = before they could speak. Certainly wasn't when my 3 year old asked the elderly woman in the store line why her skin didn’t fit her face. Or when my daughter told the cashier she had pretty yellow teeth and asked the overweight man behind us when his baby was due.

3.      Distract the kids. I’m writing Apple suggesting that they invent something really useful like miniature TV screens on the bottom of dinner plates.

4.      Teach the kids how to negotiate and compromise. Right. I’m duct taping one of them to the closet.

5.      Praise good behavior When does that happen? When and if it does, I plan to make their favorite dessert: chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.

Serve these at your next girlfriends’ get together whether they’ve been good girls or bad girls.

Chocolate Cupcakes With Cream Cheese Frosting

Cupcakes

1 box Devil’s food cake mix

1 small box instant chocolate pudding

Add in the small box of instant chocolate pudding to the cake mix and prepare the cupcakes according to the directions on the box.

Cream Cheese Frosting (frosts 20 cupcakes)

8 oz cream cheese, softened

1 stick unsalted butter, softened

1 tsp vanilla

1/8 tsp salt

4 cups powdered sugar

In a medium bowl, cream together the butter and cream cheese until creamy. Mix in the vanilla and salt, then gradually stir in the powdered sugar. Frost the cupcakes once cooled.