My Lovely Lady Lumps

Estrofests is thrilled to host our second guest blogger, Rachel Reedy. Rachel is a party thrower/party attender extraordinaire. She is an inspiration to Estrofests as you’ll see from the many party awards in her bio.

By Rachel Reedy

 “The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren’t looking, they notice her breasts.” – Conan O’Brien

In junior high my girl friends and I decided to give each other nicknames depending on the size of our boobs.  We had Rockies, Appalachians, rolling hills, and mine .…. jelly beans.  So sad when my friends talked about their boobs as “the girls” and I had to refer to mine as “the fetuses.”  In 8^th grade I tried to get my nickname changed to peanut butter cup but it didn’t stick because they all knew my boobs hadn’t grown, just the padding in my bra. 

That is how it works when you’re on the Itty Bitty Titty Committee like me.  I get to DECIDE how big my boobs will be.  There’s no growing and naturally moving up a bra size.  Oh, no. If I want bigger boobs, I buy a bra with more padding.  I decide whether I shove the chicken cutlet inserts into my bra that day.  I decide if the occasion merits a wonder bra or my every day, no cup size bra from the pre-teen section. No joke. This is where I buy my bras. 

In high school I decided it was time for larger breasts and bought a super-sized padded bra.  Like anything new it takes awhile to get used to, which was apparent when I shut my boob (aka padded bra) into my car door in the high school parking lot.  Thinking quickly, I pretended I was in excruciating pain as I simultaneously pulled the bra from the car door and opened the door.  Fortunately no witnesses - but I did have a squished right “boob” for the rest of the day. 

I think all women have stories about their boobs, whether it’s about concealing them, stuffing them, lifting them, exposing them, ….. or in any number of ways having them on center stage in an embarrassing situation.  That’s why it’s time to get girlfriends together to celebrate BOOBS and to embrace whatever size, shape, color or firmness they may be. 

The party should have a catchy name like “Lovely Lady Lumps Party” or “Tantalizing Titties Tribute.”   Of course boobies of all sizes, shapes, volume, and depths are invited.  Games could include:

That’s Me

Pass out index cards. Have guests either individually or as a group (gather in booby sizes) write reasons why their boob size is awesome.  Example:  “Small boobies are awesome because I can shimmy in Zumba without knocking out the people beside me” or “Large Boobies are awesome because they make a great shelf for popcorn.”  “Perky boobs are awesome because they get me free drinks at the bar.”  “Saggy boobs are awesome because they cover my muffin top.”  Gather the cards and mix them up. Then read each one out loud to the entire group. Instruct the group that if the statement applies to them, they must stand up and yell, “That’s Me!” (and while they’re standing they might as well shimmy a bit.)

First Time to Second Base 

Hand each guest an index card. Ask everyone to write their name on the card and the first time they were ever felt up, or another funny time/situation when they were being felt up.  Read each situation out loud and have everyone guess which guest the Second Base story belongs to. Guest with most correct guesses wins!

Battle of the Brassieres

This is a relay. Divide your guests into two teams. Have one member from each team – on the outside of her shirt – put on the number of bras that she has in teammates (e.g. if there are five other teammates besides her, she will put on five bras; if there are three other teammates besides her, she will put on three bras).  Have the bra wearers stand about 20 feet away from their lined up teammates.  When someone says, “GO,” one of the teammates from each team runs to her bra wearer and unhooks one of the bras with only ONE hand. When she is done she runs back to her other teammates and the next one in line runs to the bra wearer and unhooks a bra with one hand. Continue until the bra wearer no longer has any bras on the outside of her shirt. First team to accomplish this wins!

Enjoy!

Rachel lives for themed parties, costume creations, and relay games.  Her favorite costumes to date include, The Artist formerly known as Prince, Tonya Harding, Travelocity Gnome, and every 80’s outfit! Her awards (of which she is MOST proud) include First Place in Get that Man Off My Back relay race, Best Pirate Name (Captain Hammer Toe), and Champion 80’s hair! In her non-party life Rachel has a master's degree in social work and works as a school social worker by day and Zumba fitness instructor by night. She currently resides in Houston, TX.