Good, Good, GOOD Vibrations

by Tonia
"Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." - Mae West

I recently saw the film, Hysteria, a romantic comedy and somewhat fictionalized history of the vibrator’s invention. I like to think of the movie as a tribute to vibrators - and the women who love them.

In the 19^th century a woman’s “hysteria” could be cured if a physician gave her a “pelvic massage” until she had "hysterical paroxysms" – aka orgasms. Needless to say, repeat business was quite good for this treatment (I wonder if my medical insurance would pay for this. Hmmmm….) but doctors often complained that it took women too long to achieve relief. So, with the invention of the vibrator, treatment dropped from one hour to ten minutes. Think of this as Minute Rice for the doctor’s office.

But I did a little more research on the topic and it turns out that the very FIRST vibrator may have been invented by Cleopatra. Apparently, she had the idea of filling a hollow gourd with angry bees (not to be confused with Angry Birds). The violent buzzing caused the gourd to vibrate and then ... well, you know. This gives a whole new meaning to ‘bee’ing stimulated or getting the heebeegeebees.

Since their introduction, vibrators have been credited with billions of orgasms. And, I must admit, they certainly work better than hopping on the washing machine for a long spin cycle. (Do NOT do this at a Laundromat.) In fact, here are some perks of using a vibrator:

- A vibrator doesn’t care how long it takes to satisfy me.

- A vibrator won’t turn off before I’m finished.

- A vibrator is ALWAYS hard.

- A vibrator won’t kiss and tell.

- I can have multiple vibrators and no one gets jealous

- No matter how old and saggy I get, I can always find a willing vibrator.

But you can get overwhelmed by the choices in vibrators. In selecting one, be sure to know if you like strong or mild stimulation, if you need vaginal or clitoral stimulation (or both), if you'll be using it solo or with a partner, etc. 

A fun (and useful!) girlfriends party would be to get a vibrator demonstration by going to a sex shop or hosting a home party like Passion Parties® or Fantasia Home Parties®. A nice intro to vibrators (video clip) by sexologist, Dr. Carol Queen, can be found by clicking HERE 

And, while you are having this party, here is a cute idea for Margarita Shots served in lime halves which look like Os! Now go and enjoy YOUR Os!

The Hapless House-keeper

by Tonia

“Always keep several get well cards on the mantle ... so if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you've been sick and unable to clean.” – Erma Bombeck

I have never been a very good house-keeper.  Don’t like it and don’t do a good job at it. It must be some kind of genetic defect because I come from a family of OCD house-cleaners. My mother shopped for cleaning supplies like I shop for shoes. Even both of my daughters (co-bloggers) keep lovely, tidy homes. I tend to clean only when I’m having a party – or when I’m broke and hoping to find loose change. I mean, for goodness sake, why did God create doorknobs if we weren’t supposed to hang clothes on them?

My poor house-keeping has created a few tensions with my daughters, however. Rachel refuses to eat anything out of my refrigerator until she checks the date on it. Anna threatens to wear a helmet when she opens cupboard doors. Both of them have suggested that I have guests sign liability waivers when I entertain. Brats. They probably wash their WHOLE panty hose and not just the feet and crotch.

Personally, I think the layers of film and dust on my windows help filter the harmful (and aging!) rays of sunlight. AND, if I should get lucky and get laid during the daytime, they help create a more romantic ambiance. Besides, at my age, the low lighting helps.

But I DO like to entertain, so here are my top three house-keeping tips:

(1) Eliminate kitchen odors by eating out

(2) Stash loose items in your oven and dryer. Just don’t use those appliances later!

(3) Stretch caution tape across the door to any room where you wish to discourage visitors from entering (biohazard tape and police crime scene tape also work)

Tell us about your housecleaning adventures. And, for your next girlfriends’ get together, try this fabulous margarita recipe. We call it Cleaning Naked Margarita.

Cleaning Naked Margarita

12 oz frozen limeade

12 oz of 7 up

12 oz of tequila

12 oz Corona

Slices of lime

Mix together the liquids, put a slice of lime on the side of the glass and serve. I like salted rims, but then I like salty guys…..I mean, salty drinks.

Pedicure Virgin

By Tonia

“Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.” –Unknown

Recently a friend of mine bought me a pedicure. I’d been a pedicure virgin. That’s right. At fifty-something I’d never been touched by anyone’s polishing tool; never been stroked by the pedicurist’s hands; never felt the afterglow of being finely serviced.  I’d been holding out for Kevin Costner – hoping he’d paint my toenails like he did for Susan Saradon in Bull Durham. But I’ve been waiting since 1988 so I guess that’s not going to happen.

I HAVE painted my own toenails. My self-administered pedicures were done leaning over my knees on the toilet or pulling a knee up to an ear lobe in order to get a foot in my lap. These contortions really should qualify me as an Olympian athlete…. they CERTAINLY didn’t qualify me as a pedicurist.

And, by the way, the sight of middle-aged women’s feet is not for the faint-hearted. Only other women actually have the stomach for it – kinda’ like childbirth and baby diarrhea. The layers of dead skin is like the rings that grow on a tree each year. And, when you’re getting as old as I am, those layers are getting pretty dense!

My own feet have their own special challenges. I have one toenail that is particularly thick and needs a hacksaw to trim it. I could have hired a blacksmith instead of a pedicurist. And then there are my little toes which turn sideways like they’re looking to leave the other toes. Don’t know what pissed them off exactly, but they have been very antisocial with the others.

But the pedicure was fabulous. I highly recommend them. So get a group of girlfriends together to go get pedicures. Take some Drunken Gummy Bears with you as a snack. No one in the salon will ever know that you are eating your liquor. Check out the recipe HERE at the Sweetest Temptations. Their stuff is FABULOUS!

House of Horrors

by Rachel

We recently sold our house and have been looking for a new one. I've been on a whirlwind tour of old houses, new houses, tall houses, short houses, fat houses, skinny houses; houses that looked like the psychotic kids were in charge of the upkeep; houses that looked like Monk lived there. We saw so many houses they started to become a blur so we started naming them, i.e. the “Western Saloon House” and the “Pepto Pink House.” Need I say more?

During our house tours we’ve been fortunate to be able to dump drop off the kids at friends' houses for playdates. Well … until last weekend.

Our realtor lined up 2 houses for us to look at. We had the kids with us. We survived the first tour but the second one ..... holy crap. I told the hubby to watch the kids while I toured with the agent (sucker!). He decided to return a call to his friend about playing golf. The kids seized the opportunity to go berserk, knowing we wouldn't beat them senseless in front of the realtor. First, they found the pantry and decided to fix themselves a snack. Then my son began playing “shoot ‘em up and knock ‘em down” with the Precious Moments figurines in the formal dining area. My daughter saw a cat outside and let it in, assuming it was the owners'. She figured out it didn't live there when the dogs went berserk and chased the cat ALL OVER the house. We finally got the damn cat out and cleaned up the mess. The agent faked a “forgotten appointment” excuse so she could escape us. I gave husband the “silent treatment” all of the way home - a heck of a lot better than what I WANTED to say to him!

So, if your girlfriends like house hunting, invite them over to watch HGTV’s House Hunters while you play this House Hunters Drinking Game. Click HERE for how to play the game and, if you get a chance, make these fabulous chocolate chip cookies. But if you don’t get to make the cookies, don’t worry about it … you will have had so much to drink you won’t even care!

Amazing Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 cup softened butter

1 cup brown sugar

1 cup white sugar

2 eggs

2.5 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 cups flour

1 cup ground oatmeal

1 teaspoon baking soda

½ teaspoon salt

2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream together both sugars and butter until smooth. Beat in the eggs and then add vanilla. Add baking soda and salt and then stir. Stir in flour and then add chocolate chips. Drop by large spoonfuls onto ungreased pans. Bake for about 10 minutes, or until edges are browned.

Poker Bitch

By Tonia

“Old card players never die, they just shuffle away.” - Unknown

I love to play poker. Pretty much suck at it, though. In fact, I recently hosted a poker party where I taught everyone how to play but ended up the Big Loser – down $7 when we only bought $5 worth of chips. Don’t ask. It was better than taking my clothes off. My chances of getting a Royal Flush were better in the bathroom than at that poker table.

I actually used to have Bathroom Poker Parties. Everyone would come in “powder room” attire: PJs, face cream, hair rollers, etc. I would fill the bathtub up with ice for the beer, and use one of those room wraps to create a casino. While playing cards we would turn on the bathroom fan and smoke cigars. Well, TRY to smoke cigars. We usually couldn’t keep them lit so we did other obnoxious things with them. (Sometimes a cigar isn’t just a cigar.)

One time I was out of town visiting some friends and we decided to have a girls’ poker night so I ran to the store to pick up some cards. About the third hand my friend had a pair of aces –aces of spades. Turned out I had bought pinochle cards instead of poker cards. Who knew? We played on, though. Didn’t let a little thing like cards screw up our poker game.

I HIGHLY advise a girlfriends’ get together for poker! Even if you don’t know how to play, you can look up the rules for great variations of poker like Follow the Bitch, Guts, Roll Your Own, and Crazy Pineapple. And, besides the traditional poker finger foods, make some of these adorable poker cookies at BigFatCook – Click HERE 

Outlawed Sex

By Tonia

“Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.” From Murphy’s Laws of Love

Today’s blog is about unusual sex laws that are still on the books. Pay close attention as these laws may be applicable in your state and you do not want to be arrested. I, personally, look terrible in orange.

In Bozeman, Montana, it's illegal to have intercourse with a person of the opposite sex on the front lawn after sundown if the participants are nude. I think you can get around this one if you have sex with someone of the same sex … or leave at least one sock on.

In Newcastle, Wyoming, there is a law which prohibits a couple from having intercourse standing inside a market's walk-in-meat freezer. This one is easy. Simply lay down …. and hope to God your ass doesn’t stick to the freezer floor!

The entire state of New Mexico does not allow a couple to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch breaks and if the vehicle has curtains. For God’s sake, take those curtains down! Let us watch!

In Cleveland, Ohio, a woman may not wear patent-leather shoes and a skirt at the same time because a man might see the reflection of her va-jay-jay in her shoes. This law brings shoe porn to a whole new level. My thoughts: if you’re wearing patent-leather, tap dance your way through the day. Hard to catch a reflection that way.

In Clinton, Oklahoma, it’s illegal to masturbate while watching two people have sex in a car. Maybe those New Mexicans can send their car curtains. Other advice: see if the couple will move to the lawn. After all, it’s not Bozeman, Montana!

In Willowdale, Oregon, men must pay a fine if they talk 'dirty' during sex. Since this law is gender specific to men, I think we’re OK here, ladies. Talk as dirty as you like!

According to the law in Connorsville, Wisconsin, it is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun while his female partner has an orgasm. Wow. Not even sure what to say here. WTF???

For your next girlfriends’ get-together be sure to have some Sex-on-the-Beach (if it’s not illegal in your state, of course!). Here’s our recipe:

Sex on the Beach:

Pour the following into a shaker with ice cubes:

1.5 oz of vodka  

1 oz of peach schnapps

2 oz of orange juice

2 oz of cranberry juice

Shake well; strain into a glass; garnish with an orange slice and maraschino cherries. Enjoy!! (But don’t be shooting off any guns when you drink!)

Women's Bodies in Time Travel

By Tonia

Question: When is a woman who’s not pregnant actually pregnant?

Answer: When she lives in Arizona.

Einstein theorized that time travel was possible. I’m a believer. I’m watching women’s rights go back in time……back to a time when pushing out babies was a woman's only purpose. Back to a time when it was believed that “the uterus has naturally an incredible desire to conceive and procreate.” 

Gosh, I’ve had some incredible desires in my lady parts but none of them were for making a baby. Most of my “incredible desires” were for … uh … the Big O.

Seriously. Birth control only for medical purposes? I foresee LOTS of women with medical problems in the future! In some states there is even proposed legislation that women can only get insurance coverage for the pill if their companies approve birth control. Really? If this passes, be sure to ask your boss if lunch is on the approved list of foods! And certainly stay away from bananas and cucumbers. You know how sexually dangerous THOSE things can be!

When did legislators become so interested in the most personal aspects of women’s bodies? Let’s all write letters to our Congressmen updating them on our periods (color, flow, cramps, etc), our pregnancies (weight changes, stretch marks, mucus plugs, etc.) and our menopause (hot flashes, vaginal atrophy, hair loss, etc.). Now that we know how much they care.

Here is some personal legislation I‘m thinking about proposing:

(1) Create state regulation over vasectomies – all vasectomies must be approved by a panel of women

(2) Criminalize ejaculation outside of a woman’s vagina – should be considered an action against an unborn child

(3) Require a rectal ultra sound in order to prescribe Viagra – make sure that prostate is in good shape before increasing blood flow

So, for your next girlfriends’ get together, find out what ridiculous legislation your state has pending against women’s reproductive rights and organize a demonstration on the capital steps or sign petitions and/or letters and send them to your legislators. Let us know how it goes!

Buffing the Beaver

By Tonia

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” - Lily Tomlin

I know it’s still April but May is National Masturbation Month and I couldn’t wait to announce it! My hands may be busy celebrating and unable to type this blog so I needed to get it up early.

Not just another typical Hallmark holiday, Masturbation Month lets me revel in my plumbing for 31 days without having to share the celebration with the relatives. May is now not only the month of overcrowded Mothers’ Day Brunches with screaming, hungry kids, and the month of unveiling glow-in-the-dark winter white skin at the pool on Memorial Day, it's the month I can masturbate myself into a severe case of carpal-tunnel.

Masturbation Month was actually started in 1995 by a sex store, Good Vibrations, as a protest to the firing of U.S. Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders, who suggested that masturbation could be part of sex education. OMG! I guess there are still politicians who worry about youth growing hair on their palms if they “choke the chicken.” Or being struck blind, incontinent and drooly if they “pet the pussy.” I’ve even heard threats about masturbators going to hell and having to perform lewd sexual acts for eternity if they touched themselves. (Wait! That sounds kind of fun…..).

Of course we know that masturbation is really GOOD for us! It strengthens the immune system and increases resistance to yeast infections; it combats stress, improves mood, and decreases insomnia. Hell, it even alleviates pre-menstrual cramps! (Wish I’d known that as a teen – instead of undoing HIS zipper, I could have had my hands down my OWN pants). AND, in these difficult economic times, instead of pricey summer vacations, what could be better than staying at home in one's own bed / bathroom with one’s own computer / trashy magazines?

And let me just say – I love masturbation. It lets me be sexually active even when I can’t sucker seduce someone into my bed. It helps me discover pleasure-ific feelings leading to bigger and better Os. I can play with dildos, ben-wa balls, and ticklers and use a electric toothbrush vibrator if my hand gets tired. And, by the way, I heard that the best place to get great sex toys is Clit ‘R’ Us (sorry – couldn’t resist!).

So, to celebrate Masturbation Month with your girlfriends, have a sex toy party. Introduce the idea of daily masturbation with the following days of the week:

Make Me Moan Mondays

Twat Tickling Tuesdays

Wacky Wet Wednesdays

Thumping Thrusting Thursdays

Finger Fucking Fridays

Sexy Screaming Saturdays

Second-hand Sundays

And as a game, write down various questions about masturbation on index cards and ask each guest to answer one or two. Here are some ideas to get your creativity juices flowing:

(1) How old were you when you first masturbated?

(2) What was the best masturbation advice or tip you ever received?

(3) Have you ever been “caught” masturbating?

(4) Have you ever “caught” someone else masturbating?

(5) Have you ever masturbated in front of someone?

(6) What toys do you like to use when masturbating?

(7) What is your favorite fantasy when you masturbate?

Feel free to answer a couple of the questions in the comments below!

“If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.” - George Carlin

Sleepless in Oklahoma

By Tonia

"People who say they sleep like babies usually don't have them."  ~  Leo J. Burke

A partner of mine in business (and his wife) recently had their first baby. Prior to their daughter’s birth, he boasted he wouldn’t be bothered by lack of sleep like “other” parents. “Sleep is overrated,” he said, “Only the weak need 8 hours.” Of course now he is putting his dirty laundry in the ‘fridge and the milk in the medicine cabinet. He asked me when he was going to get a decent night’s sleep again and I told him in 18 years. Trying to be a supportive friend....

I remember those sleepless nights with new babies – and then trying to run errands the next day. Sitting in traffic thinking “How the HELL do I get to the <drug store / post office / doctor’s office>? What road am I on? Where am I?” I remember spraying my armpits with hair spray, and going from a fairly fluent vocabulary to something bordering on Cro-Magnon communication – all unnecessary words dropped from my sentences:

"Hungry?"

"Uh."

"Want food?"

"Uh."

"We get burgers?"

"Uh. Mmmm."

So when I visited my friend and the baby I couldn’t resist taking the book, Go the Fuck to Sleep. If you’ve not seen it, it’s a pants-wettingly hilarious children's book written for adults. It absolutely captures the overwhelming frustration of trying to put the baby to sleep and feeling like you will never, ever leave the room again – or sleep again.

For your next girlfriends’ baby shower be sure to read Go the Fuck to Sleep. Click HERE to hear Samuel Jackson reading it. Then tell stories of the most outrageous things you've ever done because of lack of sleep.

It’s a Blizzard of Brides and I have White Out!

By Anna

“It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” - Rita Rudner

“White-out” is a term bridal shops use when women have tried on so many dresses that they can’t remember what they like…. or, for that matter, who they’re marrying. Right now, during wedding season, I have white out. At the end of the day the store looks like the aftermath of a bridal tsunami - dresses, veils, shoes, bras, slips, tiaras, Spanx, barrettes everywhere. I can’t remember if I’m at work, in a blizzard or just finished having sex.

This is the time of year when I would like to recommend naked weddings. Not only would it be cheaper, a naked wedding would show true commitment, don’t you think? If someone is willing to marry a person after seeing her/him upright, nude and in broad daylight, it’s got to be true love.

When I first started working at the bridal shop I thought I would encounter the famed Bridezilla, but turns out there is no Bridezilla – IT’S HER MOTHER. We call her the M.O.B.ster – the mother of the bride who tries to be bigger than life and direct everyone like Tony Soprano. She looks at price tags and acts like she needs smelling salts. She blabs on and on about her “little girl” and her own ancient wedding. These mothers come with so much drama I feel like I’m in a bad lifetime movie. Turns out, it’s my real life. 

But the brides are fun. Let me introduce you to a few:

Type A-nal Anastasia

These women come with a printed list of their favorite dresses. They have already registered and planned their entire lives. They know what they want – and usually it’s something to do with being a Disney Princess. They always buy. And they almost always cry.

Rock It All Roxy

These women look fabulous in anything - but have no idea what they want. They are tons of fun for my inner fashionista. Even though they rarely buy, dressing them up is like playing Barbies again.

Shit Kickin’ Katie

These gals are obviously country. (Remember, I live in Oklahoma.) If Uncle Dale ain’t preachin’ or they ain’t getting’ married out back then they’ll definitely be wearin’ shit kickers (AKA cowboy boots). These brides are easy. They never want a train on their dress and never cause a fuss. This is their one stop shop and they wanna’ get the hell outta there. My commission thanks them.

For your next bridal shower or bachelorette party, try playing the I'VE NEVER GAME.

I’ve Never...

One at a time, ask each party guest to admit something she’s never done before. Encourage everyone to be creative and wacky. For example, "I’ve never gone to a bar commando" or “I’ve never had sex on the roof.” After each admission, anyone who has done that particular act has to take a shot of beer (or whatever alcohol you want to serve). You may learn more about your girlfriends than you ever wanted to know which, of course, is the whole point.....

On the Road Again

By Tonia

“You said you 'n' me was gonna get out of town and for once just really let our hair down. Well darlin', look out 'cause my hair is comin' down!” - Thelma in 'Thelma and Louise'

I had to buy a new car last fall. OMG! I felt like I needed to go by the hospital to get a purse transfusion. But I had to do it. The old car was a 1997, AAA-loving vehicle of shame.  Everything on it made a noise except the horn. And it vibrated so much I got a massage whenever I drove. The dealership where I bought the new car didn’t appreciate the old car's quirks - the trade-in value didn’t even cover the new car's sales tax.

It was pretty trashed out, too. I used to blame my kids - but, after they turned 30, I couldn’t use them as excuses any more. Damn them for growing up!

But I did love that old car. Not the way guys love their cars, mind you, (guys seem as fascinated with cars as they are with boobs) but it was a dear friend. I embraced its quirks – the coat hanger antennae, the broken cassette player, the blue bubblegum embedded in the carpet. If it had been an outfit, it would have been an old comfortable pair of torn-up overalls.

My first car was a Volkswagon bug. I used it for both drivers’ ed and sex ed. Awww, sweet memories.... I accidently drove it over a wall once and made the newspaper. I drove that thing to death. Literally. It threw a rod on a freeway in California on the way to the beach. I didn’t let that stop me, though. I just hitch-hiked to the beach from the side of the road where I was stranded.

So, to celebrate vehicles and enjoy your girlfriends, get together and hit the road for a week-end! Pick out a destination or take turns saying “right” or “left” at each stop. While traveling make up names for yourselves and introduce yourselves to strangers with the made up names.

Don’t pack anything – just shop sale racks or thrift stores and drop your disposable clothes along the way. Be creative and leave your underwear in outrageous places – under a barstool, in a mailbox, in the microwave at a convenience store, etc. Enjoy! (And be sure to tell us every detail of your trip!)

My European Bathroom Curse

Estrofests is excited to host guest blogger, Grace Ballard. Grace is a social worker and a lover of hilarity and fun. She is an inspiration in her field and we are thankful for her contribution to women's parties at Estrofests!

by Grace Ballard
I call it my “European bathroom curse.” Classy, don’t you think?

It all began in Aviano, Italy. I was eight years old and at a party with my parents. A very inebriated lady had spilled her entire mug of beer on my skirt and my mother told me to go clean up in the restroom. (Children reeking of beer rarely make a good impression.)

I was intrigued by the beautiful old story book lock in the bathroom door. It had a large keyhole with an old antique key. I immediately forgot about my drunken skirt, enraptured by the fairytale key. I closed the door, turned the magical key, and pulled it out of the lock. BUT, instead of being transported to Cinderella Land, I entered Trapped-Inside-Bathroom-Hell. I couldn’t get the key back into the lock. It was a single room restroom with no crack under the door to crawl under. I banged on the door, the walls, the sink, anything to get somebody’s attention. Two hours passed before the owner of the restaurant finally heard me and let me out. He kept saying, “Gelato for the bambino. Gelato—no charge.”  He was my hero. He had freed me from bathroom prison. And the gelato was more than worth the incarceration.

BATHROOM MISHAPS.  Definitely women’s domain. Because our urethras are literally three times shorter than men’s, we have to pee more and, consequently, we hang out in restrooms more frequently. We understand automated toilets. You know – the kind that require you to jump up and down like a lunatic to make them work. Or the other kind that flush every 3 seconds and splash water all over your ass. This all happens whether you’re done or not. Hey, I want to be able to decide when I’m done.

My story continues.

When I was nineteen my brother and I flew to Germany to see my father. For the 13 hour plane ride I was in the middle seat between my brother and an unknown man. I remember the long lines at restroom - consisting of mostly women, of course. Near the middle of the flight I had to pee pretty badly. I had procrastinated going because there was a lot of turbulence, but the turbulence only added to my urgency.  I glanced back – no line! I rushed into the little stall, dropped my pants and began to experience that glorious relief of urination when swoosh - the door flung open due to the turbulence. Now, directly in front of me, was the male passenger who had been sitting next to me for the past 6.5 hours – and who would continue to sit next to me for the NEXT 6.5 hours. Couldn’t. Have. Been. Someone. Else. Had to be him.

On that same trip we traveled to Paris and, while in a lovely Parisian restaurant, nature called. But I was confident I could manage those cute little fairytale locks. Everything went well until I tried to unlock the door. And. Nothing. Happened. The walls began to close in on me. I started to panic. I began thrashing myself around the room. I threw myself against the door, and as I did, it flung open with a crash. Trying to look cool and walk away with some dignity, my father and brother were hysterical.  If other customers had not heard the door crash open, they certainly heard my unruly family members. My brother taunted me, “No gelato this time!”

Flash forward 11 years to a doctor’s office where I’m supposed to give a urine specimen. As a connoisseur of restrooms I admire the futuristic George Jetson design. But the lock is very modern with no discernible LOCKED position. I turn something and assume it’s secure. Midstream with legs spread and cup in hand, the door flies open. A middle aged man is standing there. He immediately shuts the door - but he knows and I know. Is that the end of the story? Of course not! A few days later this same man came to my workplace for a therapy appointment with me! During the intake he kept saying, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?  You look incredibly familiar.” Is bathroom familiarity a conflict of interest?

So turn bathroom chagrin into grins by having a few of your girlfriends over for a Bathroom Party! Here are drink and games suggestions:

Pee-in-a-Cup-Cocktail

Buy several specimen cups from your nearest pharmacy. Have each party participant write her full name on her cup’s label with a Sharpie marker. Then fill each with the following:

1 part Brandy

2 parts apple cider, chilled

2 parts Champagne

Toilet Paper Fashion Show

Split your girlfriends into groups of three. Hand each group one roll of toilet paper. Ask each group to pick a model and then have the groups design an outfit using only toilet paper. It can be timed 15-20 minutes. Then have a fashion show.

Pick Your Paper

Pass around a roll of toilet paper and ask each participant to take the usual number of sheets from the roll that they would use in the restroom. Don’t tell them why. After everyone has taken their sheets of  toilet paper, have each person to tell as many embarrassing/humorous true stories as the number of sheets they took.

Grace Ballard has a Masters Degree in Social Work and is working on her clinical social work license as well as her drug and alcohol counselor license. She currently works as a mental health therapist with children and families. She is a true believer in the power of humor as a way to cope with life on life's terms. She also believes in the power of cocktails, games, and girlfriends!