Toast or Roast?

By Tonia

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.” – Robert Fulghum

I recently attended the wedding of two dear friends. It was history-making - the first gay wedding performed by a minister in their denomination. And it was absolutely beautiful - not a dry eye in the place.

Dagobert (not his real name  …. seriously, who has a name like that?) asked me to give a toast at the reception. This was definitely not one of his smartest decisions. Later he accused me of doing a roast instead of a toast. Some people are just so damn sensitive…..

So I thought I would share it here and let you decide. Toast or roast?

Dagobert and I met 25 yrs ago working at a hospice. It was good to share an office with someone who wasn’t stiff ….. although Raymond <husband> might disagree. While working there death seemed better than the loooong, boring interdisciplinary team meetings we had to attend. I would stick pencils up my nose and he would lean back in his chair and flick his nipples. Somehow I always got caught but he never did.

There was also a time when Dagobert called my practice and, thinking he was talking to me, opened the conversation with, “Given any good blow jobs lately?” Five secretaries later, he’s finally learned to ask to whom he is speaking.

Over the years we lost touch, but 4 years ago we found each other again. I was so excited to catch up. But all Dagobert could talk about was this new guy. Raymond, Raymond, Raymond <think nasally whine>.
Raymond this and Raymond that. Geez.

But then I met Raymond. I instantly recognized in him, as in Dagobert, the same warmth, the same generosity, the same kindness, the same obnoxious humor …. and, of course, the same stupid fart jokes. Like one sang to the other, “You are the wind beneath my sheets.”

I don’t know if love is all you need but, if it is, Dagobert and Raymond are rich beyond measure.

I also don’t know what souls are made of, but theirs are surely made of the same stuff (partly farts, no doubt).

So raise your glasses because today love wins. Dagobert and Raymond, may your love feed each other’s souls with strength, laughter and a lifetime of happiness.  

For your next girlfriends’ get-together, grab a bottle of champagne and celebrate one another! Create toasts for each other. We all need the laughs and the affirmations! 

Just Say NO

by Tonia

"The Ukraine girls really knock me out..." - Beatles (Back in the USSR)

In the news: Ukrainian women are just saying “No” (or “Nyet”) to doing the deed with Russian men. It’s a protest to Russia’s takeover of Crimea. Several Russian journalists have wondered what’s gotten into these women. Uh ….. not YOU! Ukrainian women have decided that Russians are big dicks - and not the lucky kind. So, like the Smurfs, some Russian men are singing’ The Blue Ball Blues.

The story reminds me of the ancient Greek play about Lysistrata who persuades the women of Athens to withhold sex from their partners to force an end to the Peloponnesian War. This play has everything, by the way: erections, gender politics, more erections, old guys in dresses. It’s the Animal House of ancient Greece. In one scene the old men bring fire to burn down the city’s gates but the old women soak them with water – kind of a reverse wet tee-shirt contest.

But the women soon start to feel desperate for sex (I know THAT feeling!) and begin to make excuses to return to their beds – “Uh, I need to wash my sheets,” “Uh, I need to air out my comforter.” But Lysistrata whips them back into shape (well, not literally – see blog on Fifty Shades of Grey if you’re interested in THAT sort of thing) and they stay strong for the cause.

Meanwhile, all of the men are burdened with enormous erections. (On stage this scene looks like a Viagra festival – my favorite part.) They finally agree to peace talks. There’s a huge celebration in a hybrid May Day Parade/Orgy scene. Everyone gets laid and lives happily ever after.

So I hope that the Ukrainian women have the same success. Recently on Facebook they wrote, “Russian women, care to join us?” and “Our men are all still at home, but yours appear to be going to war.” How do you say, “Hold out there, Bitches!! We’re with you!!” in Ukrainian?

And, for your next girlfriends' get together, consider finding a cause to protest or support. Solidarity! 

Go Topless Day

By Tonia

Did you know that August 25^th is Go Topless Day? Yep. Started in 2007 as an annual event to support (well, without certain support) the right of women to go topless in public. It’s to promote gender equality since men are allowed to go topless. I would go – it’s a summer Sunday and it would be fun to hang out in a park with half naked people - but I hear that attendance is sagging in Oklahoma.

I love a good protest – takes me back to my hippie days. And this seems like a good cause. Isn’t this the Land of the Free? Shouldn’t my Ta-tas go free? And think of the benefits! No more tan lines or wrong-sized bras; Peeping Toms would go out of business; and, if allowed at work, male absenteeism would decrease significantly! But I guess the down side would be that eye contact would become nonexistent.

And, I wonder, if we were allowed to go topless, would we become fashion conscious about our boobs? Would we be trying to turn our breasts into better shapes and colors? Personally, I wouldn’t mind a little perkier. Otherwise I’m good. I’m somewhere between dollar-size and Good-God-Almighty-size.

All kidding aside, Go Topless Day is actually scheduled on the Sunday closest to Women’s Equality Day (Aug 26^th) which celebrates the passing of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution, granting women the right to vote. No laughing matter. This was the result of DECADES of effort by women suffragettes. Click HERE to see Bad Romance: Women’s Suffrage, a parody music video paying homage to Alice Paul and the brave women who joined together, protested, went to prison and died so that we would share with men the right to vote.

For this month’s girlfriends’ get together, in honor of Women’s Equality Day, consider a movie night and show Iron Jawed Angels with Hillary Swank and Anjelica Huston – a tribute to the “defiant young activists who took the women's suffrage movement by storm." It’s inspirational. 

Estrofests: The 21st Century's Baubo

by Tonia

"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul." - Yiddish Proverb

I was recently challenged about the appropriateness of this blog. There were 'concerns' about its message.

Yes, I know that we are bawdy and irreverent. Yes, I know that we talk a lot about sex. And, yes, we do drink alcohol on occasion. But there is a deeper purpose in our writing; there is a point to our obnoxiousness.  

Connections

Estrofests promotes women’s connections through parties. We want women to have close girlfriends and to spend LOTS of time with them! All of us (men and women) thrive in affirming relationships but, for women, connecting with others is vital. It gives us zest/energy and increased self-knowledge and self-worth.

Humor and Mirth

Estrofests promotes humor and mirth – finding hilarity in women’s everyday experiences. Laughing is fun (duh) and improves mood. More and more research is verifying the benefits of humor and mirth. It reduces pain and stress, increases creativity, enhances problem-solving and inspires hope. Humor is also a wonderful glue in relationships.

Shame Resilience

Estrofests promotes women overcoming shameful perceptions about their bodies, their sexuality and their aging. We especially support women's sexual expression in opposition to our culture's oppression of female sexuality. Sharing our experiences (often humorously) normalizes them and reduces fear, shame and disconnection. We are sexual beings. There should be no shame in that.

 

I think these three principles are best represented by Baubo, the fun-loving, jesting, sexually liberated Greek goddess who brought great wisdom and healing to the other goddesses. She represents the POWER that comes from women's laughter, joking, and sexual banter. If you’re not familiar with Baubo, here's her story:

Story of Baubo

According to mythology, Demeter was in deep mourning over the loss of her daughter, Persphene, who had been kidnapped by Hades. So deep was Demeter’s grief that she had given up her goddess duties of bringing fertility to the land. Everyone tried desperately to cheer her up but she was inconsolable. Enter Baubo. The two women began chatting with Baubo making lots of humorous, risqué remarks. Demeter started to smile. Then Baubo, out of the clear blue sky, lifted her skirt and showed Demeter her vulva. Laughing heartily, Demeter was able to get herself out of her funk and take action to get her daughter back. Baubo saved the day.

We hope that we are a type of Baubo for 21st century women - bringing connection, humor and healing.

So pull your girlfriends close and teach each other how to live joyfully. Estrofests will be here to help by making you laugh, giving you party ideas, and reducing your shame. Peace and laughter.