Like Mother, Like Daughter

by Tonia

"No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement." - Florida Scott-Maxwell

There’s a Jewish proverb that says, “What the daughter does, the mother did.” Really? Ewwwww. TMI. I know what I’m doing. Don’t want those images of my mother.

But it’s true that I carry my mother inside me. Well, not like she’s been my organ donor or anything. More like she’s in my head ….. and tumbling out my mouth. I am frequently horrified by the phrases that roll off my tongue like lemmings running off a cliff. Holy crap. It’s her inhabiting my vocal cords.

I see similarities between us more and more each day. I’m even starting to lose my hearing like she did. “Huh?” God help me. My mother was REALLY hard of hearing and refused to use her hearing aid. Sometimes we would mouth our words or speak VERY quietly to frustrate her. I’m thinking that this is going to be bad karma for me...

I’ve also inherited my mother’s need to send CARE packages to anyone in the family living outside the city. You know, because there aren’t stores outside of Tulsa, OK. I gather up goodies (like she did) and send them to the grandkids in that third world country - Ft. Worth, TX. 

And what IS that weird mother-food connection? No matter how much I had just eaten, if I went to my mother’s house, I became a locust descending on her refrigerator. No left-over, no mac and cheese, no pudding or cake was safe from me ….. and she would simply ask me if I was still hungry.

Four years ago this week my mother died of lung cancer. In the months immediately following her death I remember wondering how other people could just eat and drink and act normal when my mother was no where to be found. I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t think. Part of me was gone forever.

And, while four years later I can say that it DOES get better, I still miss her to the core of my soul.

But, with that said, Mom, if you can see this message from wherever you are, I hope to God that you don’t haunt me this Halloween with any images of “What the daughter does, the mother did.” Save your dignity. Love you. Always have. Always will.



Doris Anne Ryan Caselman 1928-2009